Tabloid update: "Obama Gay Cover-up!"

There's "World Exclusive Breaking News" in this week's Globe tabloid and you're in luck, America Wants To Know ran out of milk and tomatoes and happened to be in the grocery store check-out line this evening when the Globe swan-dived out of its rack and into our cart.

"Michelle's Mission: Put Out Gay Firestorm!" the tabloid declares across the top of pages 16 and 17.

This turns out to be yet another story about Larry Sinclair, the Chicago man who says he had sex and did cocaine with Barack Obama in the back seat of a limousine in 1999.

"In shockingly graphic language," the tabloid reports, "Sinclair describes performing oral sex on Obama in a limousine after meeting him in a Chicago nightspot in November 1999. He also describes how they used cocaine together in the car."

Mr. Sinclair also claims to have knowledge of a sexual affair between Barack Obama and Donald Young, the choir director of Obama's former church. Mr. Young, who according to Mr. Sinclair was openly gay, was murdered in December, 2007.

"The furious first lady has made it her mission to silence author Larry Sinclair," the Globe reports. He's an author because he has written a book called "Barack Obama & Larry Sinclair: Cocaine, Sex, Lies & Murder," which he said he plans to self-publish and release this month.

He's planning to self-publish because, according to the Globe, Michelle Obama had her "close friends and associates" contact publishers and tell them she would consider it a personal favor if they would "lay off this book."

The Globe says Mrs. Obama has launched a "secret but comprehensive campaign" to undercut the allegations in the book by staging photo ops that show her husband as a "macho man." Basketball, golf, that kind of thing.

And, the Globe's "insider" says, "They've even gone out of their way to set up photos of him with the cute 27-year-old White House receptionist."

Really.

We haven't seen those.

We did see photos of the Obamas' Broadway "date night" in Manhattan, and we noticed something kind of odd.

This is a photo of the Obamas before the big date, as they walked to the helicopter that would take them to the plane that would take them to New York:



This is a photo of the Obamas after the big date, as they walked to the jet that would fly them back to Washington:



Notice anything?

Once again. Before:



After:



One more time. Before:



After:



Does it look to you like those two people had one hell of a fight?

Look again. Before:



After:



Maybe they called the baby-sitter during intermission to see if everything was all right, and the sitter told them Mr. Gallup called.


Copyright 2009

Editor's note: Catch up on your tabloid reading with the previous posts, "Bush suicidal! McCain Dying! Obama Gay!" and "Suicidal Bush in Therapy!"

.