Tabloid update: Bush suicidal! McCain Dying! Obama Gay!

[Editor's note: Find the latest "Tabloid Update: 'Obama Gay Cover-up!'" at www.AmericaWantsToKnow.com]

America Wants To Know has been busy with a new book, so we've been a little negligent about keeping you up-to-date on the latest tabloid reports of our fearless leaders. Our apologies. Today, the drought ends.

"Obama Gay Scandal!" the Globe reports this week. "Michelle Obama is in tears over incredible claims!"

Incredible is the word.

This story is about a new book by Larry Sinclair, detailing his claims that in 1999 he and Barack Obama did cocaine and had sex together in the back seat of a limousine.

Mr. Sinclair also claims to have knowledge of a sexual relationship between Mr. Obama and a church choir director named Donald Young, who was shot to death in Chicago in December, 2007. Mr. Sinclair says Mr. Young was murdered because he knew too much.

First of all, you don't have to know too much to get shot to death on the south side of Chicago. The Secret Service won't even let President Obama visit his barber shop there.

Second, Barack Obama was a politically ambitious state lawmaker in Illinois at the time Mr. Sinclair claims that he engaged in potentially career-ending conduct with a total stranger.

The Globe reports that Mr. Sinclair failed a lie detector test about his allegations, but he disputes the results.

Well, we don't.

Another ridiculous story in the Globe this week concerns Senator John McCain. Dr. David Demko's patented Death Calculator is back again to tell us that "John McCain will be dead in 4 years!"

You may remember Dr. Demko's amazing calculator from last summer, when it predicted that Bill Clinton had only one year to live. The Death Calculator takes off years for lifestyle factors, including stress and promiscuity.

If the thing was accurate, Capitol Hill would look like Arlington National Cemetery.

A more credible story in the Globe claimed that former President George W. Bush is extremely depressed over his unpopularity and also worried that the Obama administration may go after him for policies that were not, strictly speaking, legal.

That's a serious subject for another day.

On the claim that the former president is suicidal, however, we're a little doubtful. President Bush has signed with the Washington Speakers Bureau and he's off on a lucrative world tour this month, beginning with a speech in Canada that may pay him as much as $150,000.

A little Prozac and he'll be fine.

A couple of weeks ago, the Globe reported a confrontation between Laura Bush and Condoleezza Rice at a dinner party Secretary Rice gave at her apartment in the Watergate complex. The dinner really did take place, on January 18th, as reported here by Andrew Malcolm of the Los Angeles Times and here by Sheryl Gay Stolberg of the New York Times.

Both writers noted that Mr. Bush recently described Condi Rice as "like my sister." Mr. Malcolm added that "Bush has been close to Rice since way before he even announced his campaign in 1999." Ms. Stolberg reported that the dinner was "private" and the White House "would not provide a guest list."

But somebody on the guest list talked to the Globe, the magazine claims, and revealed that Laura Bush had "a tense eyeball-to-eyeball encounter over the dinner table" with Condoleezza Rice. Mrs. Bush reportedly dared the Secretary of State to tell the truth about any affair she had with President Bush.

According to the Globe's "insider," Secretary Rice was "shaken" and stammeringly answered, "I love and respect George like a brother." Then, the Globe says, Condi looked Laura straight in the eye and said, "I will miss him."

Probably she will. Nobody in that administration was a very good shot.


Copyright 2009

Editor's note: Catch up on your tabloid reading with "Laura Gets $15M Divorce Pay Off!"

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