Argus Hamilton's column for 4-4-10

BEVERLY HILLS--Happy Easter Sunday, and how's everybody?

Vanity Fair's new issue Friday blames Tiger Woods' downfall on his hanging out with Charles Barkley and Michael Jordan in Las Vegas. One's a drinker, one's a gambler and one's an adulterer. The Las Vegas City Council repealed three of the Ten Commandments because free rooms weren't enough to attract their blackjack business.

The Tea Party announced plans to hold taxpayer revolt rallies on Tax Day. They have to be on their guard against infiltration. It'd be just like the media to plant a black comedian or a rap star in the crowd just so they could get the N-word on tape.

Ricky Martin confirmed rumors Monday and admitted he's gay. He sang at the GOP convention six years ago and danced onstage with Laura Bush and President Bush. And all this time everybody thought it was Condoleezza Rice who broke up that marriage.

Pop singer Erykah Badu stripped nude at JFK's assassination site while shooting a video. It's amazing. If you think Barack Obama has charisma, remember Jack Kennedy has been dead forty-seven years and women are still taking off their clothes for him.

Code Pink's Jodie Evans heckled Karl Rove at his book signing in Beverly Hills Tuesday and placed him under citizen's arrest. He seemed confused as she approached him wielding the handcuffs. The GOP bondage club is four miles away in West Hollywood.

Sandra Bullock was confronted with photos of her husband Jesse James posing as Adolf Hitler in a German army cap and giving the Nazi salute. Now he's done it. Prince Harry posed for a photo like this six years ago at a Halloween party and he had to go to Afghanistan and machine-gun Muslims to prove that he is not anti-Semitic.

Secretary of Defense Robert Gates said Wednesday U.S. troops are making progress in Afghanistan. Just last week U.S. forces captured the Taliban's number-two leader. That sounds like a big deal until you realize that Joe Biden is our number-two leader.

President Obama issued a directive allowing oil drilling on the Atlantic Coast and the Gulf of Mexico Wednesday. There's an explanation. President Obama went to Afghanistan last week and gave President Bush's speech and he is still channeling him.

President Obama decided to allow offshore oil drilling off ten Southern states Wednesday. Big mistake. Now when the South secedes over health care it's going to take the U.S. oil supply with it and once again America will be dependent on foreign oil.

President Obama angered environmentalists Wednesday by allowing new offshore oil drilling. He made the announcement at Andrews Air Force Base. he had to go to a military base to make sure he had enough security to protect him from the Sierra Club.

President Obama urged U.S. companies Thursday to give employees more flexibility in the workplace. He's referring to work hours. Back when President Clinton wanted more flexibility in the workplace he enrolled the White House interns in yoga classes.

John McCain called for tougher security on the Mexico border Tuesday. He's now for halting illegal immigration when he once favored reform. Six months before an election you can power the entire state just on the wind generated from flip-flopping.

Mississippi teen Constance McMillen got her school prom canceled by demanding that she and her lesbian girlfriend attend as a couple. The school can't discriminate so they canceled the prom, which incited citizen fury. It seems like every twenty years the next big social breakthrough is ushered in by the Mississippi National Guard.




Copyright 2010 Argus Hamilton
All rights reserved.
Material may be quoted with attribution.

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Comedian and nationally syndicated columnist Argus Hamilton entertains at corporate events and meetings around the country. When home in Los Angeles, he can be seen live onstage at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. Contact Argus@ArgusHamilton.com for more information. Argus Hamilton's bio