Argus Hamilton's column for 3-11-10

HOLLYWOOD--Happy Thursday, and how's everybody?

Iraqis voted by the millions in Iraq's parliamentary elections Sunday, ignoring bomb and grenade attacks. It could have been worse. Thousands of lives were saved after both Sunnis and Shiites agreed not to make health care reform an election issue.

Golf World said Bill Clinton gave Tiger Woods a phone call of encouragement on Friday. The former president certainly has some experience in this to share with him. The best guess is that forty-two days of rehab were just undone by one phone call.

The House Commerce Committee called for Toyota to come clean over its problems with its fuel injection and sticky accelerators. It's not a problem everywhere. In California the Toyotas go so fast they are starting to cut into Porsche's market share.

Harrah's Casino estimated Friday that Americans will bet sixty billion dollars on the NCAA tournament. It includes legal bets in sports books and illegal office betting pools nationwide. The idea to teach children there is more to life than poker.

Sarah Palin's daughter Bristol Palin agreed to appear on the Secret Life of an American Teenager on the ABC Family Network this year. She's going to talk about the cost of being a single mother. It cost her her senior year in high school, it cost John McCain the election, and now it's going to cost the nation our free-market system.

The House Ethics Committee launched an investigation into Democratic Congressman Eric Massa, who resigned over it Monday. They couldn't give him a pass on ethics. With a name like Massa he would never be admitted into the Congressional Black Caucus.

General Motors announced last week they are closing the Hummer division. There is a mad scramble for Hummer's customer list. The male enhancement product company that gets that mailing list will rule the market for the next twenty years.

Indonesia suffered the latest earthquake Friday, following quakes in Haiti and Chile and Taiwan. We know who's next. Every house on the route of next week's L.A. Marathon has been advised to stock up on bottled water and watch the race from inside a doorway.

U.S. Rep. Eric Massa said Democrats ran him out of Congress because he is opposed to health care reform. He wanted to stay. He was accused of making sexual advances on a male staffer but it just wasn't enough to save his career in the Democratic Party.

President Obama will not be attending Washington D.C.'s annual Gridiron Dinner roast next week. Bill Clinton was invited to take his place. Traditionally the U.S. president is the guest of honor but there comes a point when you have to sell tickets.

President Obama on Monday ordered Congress to pass health care reform in ten days before congressmen go home for Easter and hear from voters. Resurrection season is scary for politicians. Republicans are worried that the health care bill will be resurrected and Democrats are scared that the Republican Majority will come back from the dead.

The Treasury Department will give Ben Franklin a new look on the one-hundred dollar bill. He gets a facelift every two years to thwart counterfeiters. One more facelift and people are going to wonder why Bruce Jenner's on the hundred dollar bill.

The Academy Awards shocked critics with its conservative theme on Sunday. Best Picture Oscar went to a pro Iraq War movie, Best Actor was about a country singer and Best Actress about a Southern white family who adopts a black kid. The biggest shock of the night was when they gave the Lifetime Achievement Award to George W. Bush.



Copyright 2010 Argus Hamilton
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Material may be quoted with attribution.

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Comedian and nationally syndicated columnist Argus Hamilton entertains at corporate events and meetings around the country. When home in Los Angeles, he can be seen live onstage at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. Contact Argus@ArgusHamilton.com for more information. Argus Hamilton's bio