Argus Hamilton's column for 2-19-10

HOLLYWOOD--Happy Friday, and how's everybody?

The Weather Channel reported that the third snowstorm in two weeks buried the South and Eastern Seaboard Monday. For hundreds of miles, snow banks along roads are piled five feet high. The good news is that Priuses won't even need brakes until the spring.

France issued a warrant for the arrest of U.S. cyclist and Tour de France winner Floyd Landis for lying to French doping officials. He's Amish. They thought he might be doing steroids when he stopped three times during the race to raise a barn and still won.

President Obama told reporters Tuesday he's doing the best he can to deal with the deficit left by President Bush. It's worth a try. Last night a comedian who impersonates Obama had a bad set at the Comedy Store and he blamed it on Will Ferrell.

Hollywood raunchy film director Kevin Smith was pulled off a Southwest Airlines flight before takeoff Sunday for being too fat. He gets no respect on a plane. Last year three United passengers walked out on one of his movies halfway over Kansas.

Al-Qaeda in Yemen was reported to be recruiting English-speaking terrorists to carry out attacks in the U.S. on Monday. They'll pay big bucks to anyone who's bland and doesn't attract attention. Could this be the job Evan Bayh left the Senate to take?

Senator Evan Bayh announced Monday he's leaving the Senate this fall. Democrats fear he'll mount a presidential primary challenge. Evan Bayh won't say if his next stop is Iowa but he did mention that his favorite character on I Love Lucy is Ethanol.

Senator Bayh's pullout from the fall race ignited a speculative frenzy Tuesday over who will run in Indiana to replace him in the U.S. Senate. Everybody noteworthy in the state of Indiana was asked if they will run. Peyton Manning said he will pass.

The Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show was held in New York's Madison Square Garden this week. The standards were higher than ever in this year's competition. Two Lhasa Apsos were eliminated when they were found to have a credit score under seven hundred.

President Obama appointed White House lawyer Rashad Hussain to be the U.S. envoy to the Organization of the Islamic Conference Monday. It had to be a Muslim. Anglo-Saxons won't attend any conference that doesn't include a golf tournament with prizes.

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad announced Thursday Iran has enriched enough uranium to manufacture a nuclear weapon. This anger gets him nowhere. Last week he dared the U.S. military to bomb him in his home and now his kids can't get any playdates.

Hillary Clinton was King Abdullah's guest for lunch in Saudi Arabia Monday. As a gesture of informality the king turned on sports news on a big screen TV during their meeting. It's how heads of state endure Hillary when they don't have an intern program.

Bill Clinton's arch-nemesis Ken Starr left the Pepperdine Law School in Malibu Monday to become the president of Baylor. It's for political reasons. In Malibu people think Kenneth Starr is Satan but in Texas he's the Man Who Shot Liberty Valance.

U.S. Marines and British armor pushed into the southern Afghan town of Marjah on Monday. It's the financial and marketing center of the poppy and opium trade. On orders from the White House all thriving sectors of the global economy must be crushed.


Copyright 2010 Argus Hamilton
All rights reserved.
Material may be quoted with attribution.

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Comedian and nationally syndicated columnist Argus Hamilton entertains at corporate events and meetings around the country. When home in Los Angeles, he can be seen live onstage at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. Contact Argus@ArgusHamilton.com for more information. Argus Hamilton's bio