Argus Hamilton's column for 1-29-10

HOLLYWOOD--Happy Friday, and how's everybody?

Tim Tebow will star in a pro-life commercial during the Super Bowl telecast on CBS. Opponents cried foul, saying it's an issue ad. Issue ads are strictly banned from all Super Bowl telecasts, unless the issue is whether or not cleavage sells beer.

Toyota ordered dealers to take their top-selling car models off the market Tuesday because the throttles stick open. It's the safe thing to do. President Obama told them if they don't want to be nationalized they'd better help sell some GM cars.

President Barack Obama gave his State of the Union address to Congress Wednesday night, which was followed by the Republican response. We're making progress. Generally speaking, the first thing that follows a Wednesday night speech by President Obama is Friday.

President Obama said Wednesday he doesn't want to argue over who's responsible for politicizing national security. He said he's not interested in talking about the past. He will when he wants to get a job as hitting coach for the St. Louis Cardinals.

President Obama demanded an end to Don't Ask Don't Tell on gays in the military Wednesday. It's the Obama Doctrine. It will cost you your career in the military if you profile a young man from the Middle East, but not if you prefer a young man from the Middle East.

Brett Favre said Monday he hasn't made up his mind whether or not he'll retire from the NFL after drawing huge ratings all year. Why should he retire? He's a likable, goofy and reckless Southerner and there are no term limits for quarterbacks.

Apple Computers unveiled its new tablet computer called the iPad Wednesday in California. It was received with great trepidation. The last time people got their hopes up to behold a new tablet it outlawed adultery and nine other natural inclinations.

The Weather Channel showed footage of a Southern ice storm Wednesday. It moved from Oklahoma to Arkansas to Tennessee and into the Carolinas. It was so cold that protesters demanded that Admiral Byrd's flag be lowered at the South Carolina capitol.

John Edwards reportedly made a sex tape with Rielle Hunter when he was running for president. He's decided to help earthquake victims in the Caribbean this week. This answers the concerns of all the people who believe that Haiti hasn't suffered enough.

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi insisted to Fox News Wednesday that health care reform was not dead. She believes that Democrats can survive if it's done in two stages. The first stage is to blame President Bush and the second stage is to blame President Obama.

Senator Harry Reid angered Democratic congressmen Tuesday by saying there's no rush on health care reform. House Democrats howled that the Senate is acting like the House of Lords. If that were true, the only thing health care would cover is gout.

Hillary Clinton had to miss the State of the Union speech Wednesday because she was in London meeting with the British government about Yemen. The Yemen conference was just a cover story. Hillary was really in England to do a little research on the Restoration.

GOP senators sent a letter to the president demanding Khalid Sheik Muhammed's trial be moved out of New York. The administration won't move the trial out of the country. The economy's so bad they want the credit for creating twelve paid juror jobs.




Copyright 2010 Argus Hamilton
All rights reserved.
Material may be quoted with attribution.

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Comedian and nationally syndicated columnist Argus Hamilton entertains at corporate events and meetings around the country. When home in Los Angeles, he can be seen live onstage at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. Contact Argus@ArgusHamilton.com for more information. Argus Hamilton's bio