Argus Hamilton's column for 12-30-09

HOLLYWOOD--Happy Wednesday, and how's everybody?

A Northwest flight was saved from being blown up on Christmas. A Dutch passenger leaped over three seats and beat up a Nigerian bomber. President Obama invited the Dutchman and the Nigerian to settle their differences over a beer at the White House.

Northwest Airlines passengers emerged from the plane in Detroit cheering Friday after they stopped a terrorist from blowing up the plane. It's a stirring example of hope. The airliner was heading to Detroit and the passengers wanted to live anyway.

Christmas Day began a media frenzy over the attempted bombing of the Northwest flight. The whole world focused on the al-Qaeda bomber from Nigeria and the Dutch hero who saved that plane. It's the first peaceful day Tiger Woods has had in a month.

Nigerian Umar Abdulmutallab tried to blow up a Northwest flight going from Amsterdam to Detroit Friday. He had three ounces of high explosives inside his underwear. When people live in countries that cover up their women the tension builds and builds.

Umar Abdulmutallab tried to detonate explosives packed in a condom in his underwear Friday. He didn't think it through. If a bomb goes off in your shorts about all you can do with the seventy-two virgins waiting for you in Paradise is take them shopping.

Dutch movie director Jasper Schuringa leaped from his airplane seat and pinned Abdulmutallab to the floor Friday and kept the plane in the air. No one in Hollywood was surprised. It says right there on every director's business card that they're God.

Nigerian banker Alhaji Mutallab tipped off the U.S. Embassy in July about his son Umar. He said his own son was radicalized and posed a danger to America. No father has had to go through something like this since Henry Fonda, who went through it twice.

President Obama spoke about the attempt to bomb an airliner on Monday. He wore his angry look. After a full investigation he's concluded the attempted terrorist attack was the fault of excessive Wall Street bonuses and greedy insurance executives.

The Pentagon released two of the airline bombing plotters to Saudi Arabia from Guantanamo two years ago. The Saudis released them after putting them through art therapy class. They teach that Van Gogh cut his ear off when a Jew moved in next door.

Dutch officials forwarded Abdulmutallab's name to Washington before takeoff Friday and the U.S. cleared him. We didn't foresee the Northwest Airlines attempt, the World Trade Center attack or Pearl Harbor. It's long been the policy of the United States that the best way to put the construction unions back to work is to look the other way.

Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano stated Sunday that the system worked. A Muslim man on the terrorist watch list whose name was turned into the FBI by his dad paid cash for a ticket and was allowed aboard. We frisked a nun to keep her from boarding with a metal crucifix out of fear she could have used it on a terrorist to convert him.

Washington state on Monday joined four other states where bills to legalize pot have been filed for January. It's historic. Cheech and Chong just booked the USS Missouri to accept the surrender of the United States government in the War on Drugs.

Ted Kennedy wrote in his book True Compass the one thing the public never knew about Jack Kennedy is what a beautiful singing voice he had. It makes sense when you think you about it. No one was allowed in the Rat Pack unless they could carry a tune.



Copyright 2009 Argus Hamilton
All rights reserved.
Material may be quoted with attribution.

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Comedian and nationally syndicated columnist Argus Hamilton entertains at corporate events and meetings around the country. When home in Los Angeles, he can be seen live onstage at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. Contact Argus@ArgusHamilton.com for more information. Argus Hamilton's bio