Argus Hamilton's column for 11-18-09

HOLLYWOOD--Happy Wednesday, and how's everybody?

President Obama bowed low to Japan's Emperor Akihito when they were introduced in Tokyo Saturday. Earlier this year he bowed to Saudi Arabia's king. He could be impeached if he doesn't show the proper respect toward the makers of cars and gasoline.

President Obama landed in Beijing Monday to engage in high-level meetings with the leadership of Red China. This meeting was long overdue. For crying out loud, Barack Obama has been president for ten months, it's about time he met with the owners.

Sarah Palin kicked off her book tour Monday on Oprah Winfrey's show. Many people found the book aggravating. The book has no index at the end, forcing David Letterman to read the entire book so he could find out what kind of a curse she put on him.

Cheech and Chong will perform a tour in February to lobby for the legalization of marijuana. It didn't work out very well for them. If Cheech and Chong had moved on from pot to coke and stayed with they group they might have been president someday.

President Obama addressed Chinese students Sunday where he urged China to stop censoring the Internet. The Chinese government refused to televise his speech. They didn't want to infuriate their country by pre-empting their weekly dance contest.

The Justice Department announced Friday that World Trade Center attack plotter Khalid Sheik Muhammed will be tried in the Manhattan federal court downtown. It's not going to be a typical jury trial. The way it works is, the court will be called into session and if the World Trade Center comes out and sees its shadow, he will be let off.

New Yorkers were angry Friday about the decision to try the World Trade Center plotters in a Manhattan court. It's presents a huge challenge to the locals. Alex Rodriguez will have to elope with David Letterman just to get their names in the Post.

Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez vowed Friday to rid his country of golf. A ban on golf could cripple his nation's economy. In six months Venezuela will have no hard currency at all and that's just from Michael Jordan taking his wagering elsewhere.

Al-Qaeda cleric Anwar al-Alwaki told a Yemen newspaper that he exchanged e-mails with Fort Hood assassin Major Nidal Hasan. The FBI intercepted the e-mails and said some of what Hasan wrote was benign and the rest was protected by the First Amendment. As long as killing Americans is part of your religious belief, we must be tolerant of it.

Tiger Woods won the Australian Masters Sunday before the largest golf gallery in their history. His winnings include a three million dollar appearance fee, half financed by the Victorian government. When Australian lawmakers insisted that all stimulus dollars be used for minority hiring, this was not what they had in mind.

Arnold Schwarzenegger made a speech to U.S. troops in Baghdad Monday. He offered to meet all of them in the weight room the next morning. Anybody who wanted to get kicked out of the military could line up and be photographed with him without a shirt.

The New York Stock Exchange ordered all traders to get swine flu shots Friday to protect the other traders on the floor. The traders have resisted getting the shots. The government has been sticking it to them so much lately they don't have a good vein left.

The White House announced last week that U.S. unemployment is now over ten percent. It has resulted in a whole new set of social cues. Putting on your overcoat used to be a signal to your family that you're going out, now it means you're turning off the heat.


Copyright 2009 Argus Hamilton
All rights reserved.
Material may be quoted with attribution.

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Comedian and nationally syndicated columnist Argus Hamilton entertains at corporate events and meetings around the country. When home in Los Angeles, he can be seen live onstage at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. Contact Argus@ArgusHamilton.com for more information. Argus Hamilton's bio