Argus Hamilton's column for 10-4-09

BEVERLY HILLS--Happy Sunday, and how's everybody?

Rio de Janiero made its bid to the IOC to host the Olympics Thursday. The city is famous for a statue of Jesus on a mountain over the city. As long as they don't have a public display of the Ten Commandments the American team is still allowed to go.

Wall Street fell Thursday after Detroit reported that auto sales dropped three billion dollars one month after the Cash for Clunkers program expired. The program was not a complete failure. It did get a lot of cars with Obama stickers off the road.

U.S. Rep. Alan Grayson told the House Tuesday the GOP health plan is to stay well or die quickly. He then apologized to dead people for the current holocaust. It sounded so nuts that the people of Libya just asked him if he'd like to be their next dictator.

U.S. Airways captain Sully Sullenberger returned to the cockpit Friday nine months after his heroic landing on the Hudson. The cabin went wild when he introduced himself on the P.A. system. One guy booed but you'd expect that from the Audubon Society.

Al-Qaeda's Abdulluh Asieri blew himself up with a rectum bomb in the Saudi palace last month, worrying airport security. Experts say there's only one way to stop a bomber like this. The new manual for airport screeners is the Roman Polanski trial testimony.

Hollywood mogul Harvey Weinstein urged the nation to forgive Roman Polanski on Thursday. It's kicked off a huge debate. It has people in Middle America demanding jail time and it has people in Hollywood talking about how great Quaaludes used to be.

Michael Vick received free merchandise from Nike Thursday, indicating everyone likes him again. His poll numbers have really improved. It shows what happens when you have tremendous natural talent and the sense to leave the health care system alone.

John Edwards braced Thursday for release of a reported sex tape showing him and his mistress. He was almost a heartbeat away from the presidency. That's how close comedians came to getting all their work done in an hour every day for the next four years.

Michelle Obama told reporters in Denmark Thursday she'd made a great sacrifice to be there. It's a critical time for her vegetable garden. Under the Thirteenth Amendment she's not allowed to order the staff at the White House to pick the tomatoes.

President Obama took off for Copenhagen Thursday to push the IOC for Chicago's bid to host the Olympics. He gave the games priority over more pressing matters. He missed three days of rehearsal for the samba competition on Dancing with the Stars.

Japan's prime minister lobbied for Tokyo to get the Olympics Thursday. He told them that global warming could make these the last Olympics. Japan is so certain the oceans are going to rise they're already advertising jet skis with better mileage.

Sarah Palin's memoir Going Rogue set a record for advance sales on Amazon last week. She only spent two weeks with a collaborator and two weeks with an editor and she's produced a bestseller. The Authors Guild is demanding she be burned as a witch.

Iran met for six-party talks with the U.S. and its allies and Russia on Thursday in Geneva. It's the first time the U.S. has met with Iran since Revolutionary Guards seized the U.S. Embassy and took fifty-two Americans hostage thirty years ago. It cost Jimmy Carter re-election and this is the first chance we've had to thank them for it.



Copyright 2009 Argus Hamilton
All rights reserved.
Material may be quoted with attribution.

###

Comedian and nationally syndicated columnist Argus Hamilton entertains at corporate events and meetings around the country. When home in Los Angeles, he can be seen live onstage at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. Contact Argus@ArgusHamilton.com for more information. Argus Hamilton's bio