Argus Hamilton's column for 10-11-09

BEVERLY HILLS--Happy Sunday, and how's everybody?

David Letterman pulled in huge ratings Friday as he continued to admit he kept up numerous office affairs. He's getting more honest every night. Dave's Top Ten List on Friday was three interns, two talent coordinators and the night cleaning crew.

Georgia Frontiere's estate put the St. Louis Rams up for sale Tuesday. The late lounge singer married and survived Rams owner Carroll Rosenbloom, and he was her seventh of nine husbands. She died only two husbands short of fielding an entire team.

Brett Favre's revenge match against Green Bay Monday set a ratings record for ESPN. The concept is a winner. ESPN just offered Roman Polanski's rape victim two million dollars for a revenge match when the French director lands back in California.

Anheuser-Busch announced Wednesday it's selling Sea World in San Diego. The daily expense of operating a park like that is unbelievable. You can't imagine the plumbing problems every time a dolphin floats to the surface and they try to flush it.

The White House decided to keep its Olympics office open as an office of youth fitness. It's money well spent. Maybe by the next vote Americans will look good enough in bathing suits to compete with Rio instead looking just good enough to beat WalrusStan.

Tom DeLay was a hit on Dancing with the Stars with his stunning prowess on the disco floor. He decided to quit the contest on Monday. If he had come home with the trophy, religious conservatives would know he'd done cocaine in the Seventies.

House Republicans introduced a resolution demanding Congressman Charlie Rangel quit as Ways and Means Chairman due to ethics violations. Nancy Pelosi blocked it. It's believed to be the first time that an airbag has ever been saved by a person.

President Obama presented medals for technological achievement and for science Wednesday. He honored the inventors of pacemaker batteries and of GPS navigation. He believes the government should know what makes you tick and where you are at all times.

John McCain accused President Obama of being leisurely about Afghanistan. The president was insulted by the suggestion he was being leisurely. For starters his suit is made out of silk, not polyester, and he wasn't wearing a tie because it was hot.

Detroit's Cobo Center was mobbed Thursday by applicants for stimulus money. It was homeless aid that required proof of residency. People had to get copies of the security video from outside 7-Elevens to prove how long they'd been sitting there.

Michael Jackson's estate just approved a leather-bound book of photographs depicting the King of Pop's life. It should be a big seller. If you put your thumb on the edge of the book and flip through the pages quickly it looks a movie of a nose job.

The Democratic National Committee will hold a contest for best TV commercials for health care reform. They want to sell health care reform the way you'd sell beer. Problem is, the Swedish Bikini Team will kill more heart patients than it cures.

The Supreme Court heard arguments Wednesday on whether a cross on federal land is a violation of the U.S. Constitution. The cross is a World War I memorial in the middle of the Mojave Desert. Lawmakers believe that the cross is allowable under the U.S. Constitution because it doesn't ban adultery the way the Ten Commandments does.



Copyright 2009 Argus Hamilton
All rights reserved.
Material may be quoted with attribution.

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Comedian and nationally syndicated columnist Argus Hamilton entertains at corporate events and meetings around the country. When home in Los Angeles, he can be seen live onstage at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. Contact Argus@ArgusHamilton.com for more information. Argus Hamilton's bio