Argus Hamilton's column for 9-9-09

HOLLYWOOD--Happy Wednesday, and how's everybody?

President Obama addressed the AFL-CIO in Cincinnati Monday and demanded health care reform. A heated debate broke out shortly after the speech. No one could agree on whether he's beating a dead horse or if it was shot on the track after the race.

The Hard Rock Hotel in Las Vegas purchased Michael Jackson's gold glove Monday, paying fifty-eight thousand dollars. It helps to be famous. The county sheriff in Boston just auctioned off a Catholic church and didn't get nearly that much for it.

Great White sharks swarmed off the Massachusetts coast Sunday. They have excellent sonar. The sharks heard there was a town-hall meeting on the beach on health care reform and the Great Whites came to express their opposition to a government takeover.

Terry Bradshaw will begin his sixteenth season entertaining viewers on Fox NFL Sunday this weekend. The network always sends a limo to bring him to the studio. A few weeks ago he moved into a new house with a circular driveway and he can't get out.

Southern California entered its third week of wildfires in the mountains above Los Angeles Monday. It affects everything out here. The air is so bad right now that whenever Michael Phelps opens his window the smoke actually pours into the party.

President Obama spoke to the nation's schoolkids Tuesday. It was a nonpartisan talk. He wanted kids to know that the best way to avoid the flu is to wash their hands and the best way to die from the flu is to allow Republicans to block health care reform.

The White House fired Van Jones over his incendiary comments Saturday. His words were libelous. He called President Bush a crackhead when Democrats know perfectly well that crack didn't come out until a full year after George W. Bush quit doing coke.

White House adviser Van Jones blamed his firing Sunday on a vicious right-wing campaign by reform opponents. He really doesn't want to leave town. He's extremely paranoid and living in Washington D.C. is the only place where his fears are justified.

Michael Moore began promoting Capitalism: A Love Story on Monday. The Internet is wrecking the movie business. When Michael Moore decided he'd do a movie about killing capitalism he never thought he'd have to compete with the White House website.

House Ways and Means Chairman Charlie Rangel of Harlem faced new calls for him to resign Monday amid more financial scandals. The signs aren't good. Last night he dropped off his clothes at the dry cleaner and they asked him to pay cash up front.

India announced plans Monday to construct a three-hundred-foot-high statue of India's greatest naval hero, Chhatrapati Shivaji, off the Indian Ocean coast. What a smart idea. Nobody ever thought of using a scarecrow to keep the Somali pirates away.

Massachusetts' former Congressman Joe Kennedy elected Monday not to run for Teddy's Senate seat. Polling shows the state is too conservative to elect a Kennedy family member. His only hope is to get President Obama to appoint him as Czar of All the Bostons.

The White House came under fire Monday for all the czars working in the White House who have extensive government power without being confirmed by the U.S. Senate. There are over thirty czars. Somebody needs to sit down and explain to Barack Obama that the whole idea of communism is to overthrow the czars, not appoint them.



Copyright 2009 Argus Hamilton
All rights reserved.
Material may be quoted with attribution.

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Comedian and nationally syndicated columnist Argus Hamilton entertains at corporate events and meetings around the country. When home in Los Angeles, he can be seen live onstage at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. Contact Argus@ArgusHamilton.com for more information. Argus Hamilton's bio