Argus Hamilton's column for 9-27-09

BEVERLY HILLS--Happy Sunday, and how's everybody?

London Police gave up arresting the young woman who walks naked through London every day. They've accepted her as an eccentric. She chats with everybody as she walks around Hyde Park totally nude, and even she thinks President Obama is overexposed.

Occidental Petroleum said Wednesday they found over one hundred million barrels of oil in the ground just north of Bakersfield, California. It never fails. We could save a lot of money on oil exploration if we'd just follow the Oklahomans and drill wherever they settle.

Tom Brady and supermodel wife Gisele Bundchen were sued for a million dollars by photographers Wednesday. The couple's bodyguards allegedly opened fire on the photographers while they were trying to take their picture in Costa Rica. They are photographed every day of their lives, just not in tax havens.

Libya's Moammar Khaddafi spoke to the U.N. Wednesday where he referred to President Obama as his son and said he hopes Obama will be president forever. It was mortifying. Democrats just realized that Moammar Khaddafi is worse than a terrorist, he's a birther.

Moammar Khaddafi said in his U.N. speech that the delegates were jet-lagged from their flight over the ocean. It's ominous. Unlike most nations, which merely complain about all the air traffic in the sky, Libya has a track record of doing something about it.

Donald Trump rented his Westchester mansion to Moammar Khaddafi last week. The neighbors were outraged when they saw the Bedouin tent going up in the backyard. It just takes one Predator drone missile to move in, and there goes the neighborhood.

President Obama addressed the U.N. General Assembly Wednesday where he lectured everybody about the equality of mankind. He said no nation can or should try to dominate another country. He won't rest until the Colonial Open is renamed the Reparations Cup.

Sarah Palin spoke in Hong Kong Wednesday and she got a rave review from the New York Times. The newspaper is looking out for its circulation. The New York Times won't need a federal bailout if it can just get somebody elected to fill out Richard Nixon's second term.

The FBI reportedly destroyed all its past files on CBS News anchor Walter Cronkite Tuesday. It shows how paranoid the bureau was during the Cold War. The CBS News anchor was the most trusted man in America, but J. Edgar Hoover was counting how many red ties he had.

Homeland Security warned Thursday that terrorists might target NFL games. They want to install facial recognition cameras to keep out suspicious characters, but they can't put them at the players' entrance. If the Bengals hosted the Raiders, it would be a race to see who forfeits first.

Supreme Court justice Sonia Sotomayor got a standing ovation at Yankee Stadium Saturday. She threw out the first pitch. This is the time of year the roster expands and the Yankees can bring in as many pitchers from the Caribbean as they like.

New York Mayor Mike Bloomberg made a bid to buy Business Week Tuesday and add it to his media empire. The magazine lost forty million dollars last year. That makes Business Week the best-performing investment on Wall Street for the last twelve months.

The White House weighed sending Special Ops forces into Afghanistan to hunt down the enemy Wednesday. At the conclusion of boot camp, the soldiers undergo brutal survival training. They're released back into the U.S. economy and told to find a job in six weeks.


Copyright 2009 Argus Hamilton
All rights reserved.
Material may be quoted with attribution.

###

Comedian and nationally syndicated columnist Argus Hamilton entertains at corporate events and meetings around the country. When home in Los Angeles, he can be seen live onstage at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. Contact Argus@ArgusHamilton.com for more information. Argus Hamilton's bio