Argus Hamilton's column for 9-17-09

OKLAHOMA CITY--Happy Thursday, and how's everybody?

President Obama gave a speech to Wall Street Monday after speaking to Congress and CBS's 60 Minutes. He wants to monopolize even more air time. After his speech to Wall Street, he had lunch with Bill Clinton to find out how to set up an intern program.

President Obama demanded health care reform and banking reform and green energy subsidies in televised speeches this week. He has hit a wall. The president says he will not accept the status quo, and the status quo isn't too crazy about him either.

Michael Jordan made the crowd uncomfortable at his NBA Hall of Fame acceptance speech on Friday. He stood onstage and lashed out at anyone who ever doubted him or insulted him. After the speech, Congressman Joe Wilson called him up and apologized.

The University of Wyoming announced they will name their international student center after Dick Cheney. He's not exactly known for hospitality to foreigners. If they don't want any international students, why don't they just stop accepting them?

GM introduced a new money-back guarantee on its cars that lets you return a car for a full refund within sixty days. It started a land rush. Conservative activists dressed up as pimps flooded into ACORN offices asking for help to get a Cadillac loan.

Rodney King won a unanimous decision in his Celebrity Boxing match with a former cop in Philadelphia Saturday. They couldn't hold the fight in Los Angeles. If the cop had beaten Rodney, a firefighter wouldn't have been available until the rainy season.

President Obama told CBS's 60 Minutes Sunday the government should have a bigger role in health care, the financial industry and manufacturing. It's not going to happen. We didn't win the Cold War to surrender afterwards, this isn't a fishing show.

House Democrats threatened to expel South Carolina Rep. Joe Wilson unless he apologizes again for heckling President Obama. Congress should know better than to tell Southerners to leave the Capitol. It takes four years and the burning of Atlanta to get them back in again.

ACORN workers were busted again on video Sunday helping what they thought were a pimp and his prostitute get a federal home loan to open a brothel in Brooklyn. Who gave the government the right to finance brothels in Brooklyn? That's Clemenza's territory.

Baylor published a study Friday saying three percent of women churchgoers have been the target of a minister's sex advances. The Baptist school may reflect Baptist concerns. An SMU study says six percent of all clergy tee their balls up in the rough.

U.S. officials said Monday that U.S. Special Forces operating in Somalia may have killed an al-Qaeda leader. They said they have to conduct a DNA test. Before the guy died he issued a statement saying he's the father of Michael Jackson's older children.

Osama bin Laden made a new audio recording Monday taunting President Obama for his support of Israel and forecasting America's fall. It confirms he's insane and has lost his marbles. Only an idiot would think that President Obama supports Israel.

Iran agreed to air ABC's drama Lost this fall because the show is wildly popular, second in bootleg DVD sales behind Fox's 24. That's remarkable. When you consider that in eight years Agent Jack Bauer has killed more Persians than Alexander the Great, you may oppose the Iranians but you have to admire them for being good sports.



Copyright 2009 Argus Hamilton
All rights reserved.
Material may be quoted with attribution.

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Comedian and nationally syndicated columnist Argus Hamilton entertains at corporate events and meetings around the country. When home in Los Angeles, he can be seen live onstage at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. Contact Argus@ArgusHamilton.com for more information. Argus Hamilton's bio