Argus Hamilton's column for 7-2-09

HOLLYWOOD--Happy Thursday, and how's everybody?

The Nutty Professor will be produced as a Broadway musical by Jerry Lewis this fall. In it, a shy science teacher drinks a potion he made and becomes a seducer of women named Buddy Love, or as he'd be known today, Governor Love of South Carolina.

Minnesota's Supreme Court ruled Tuesday Al Franken won the state's Senate race recount. It's the first time voters have intentionally elected a comedian. Most of them don't turn out to be jokers until after they've been in office a couple of years.

Mel Brooks will bring The Thousand-Year-Old Man to Broadway next year. It's an interview with a guy who's lived ten centuries. If men can live to be a thousand, Bernie Madoff will be getting out of jail just about the time the economy turns around.

Los Angeles Dodgers star Manny Ramirez returns to the game Friday after his suspension for testing positive for female fertility drugs. He's on schedule. After fifty days he has developed an uncontrollable craving for Dodger Dogs with pickles and ice cream.

Michael Jackson's father Joe Jackson went on the BET Awards and announced he's searching for the next Michael. People in Hollywood were aghast. The first rule of show business is you have to wait three days before you cash in on a dead relative.

The Apollo Theater in Harlem held a tribute to Michael Jackson Tuesday. In the middle of the telecast a lightning storm knocked it off the air. Michael Jackson wasn't in heaven three days and already he found the special effects control panel.

Michael Jackson's doctor hired a lawyer Monday to protect him from allegations concerning his actions at the death scene. The doctor did everything he could to save him. He even refused the singer's last request to take him to Children's Hospital.

South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford admitted Tuesday he crossed the line with other women beside the Argentine. Busy boy. When he said his state didn't need the stimulus package he should have specified he was talking about the state of his pants.

American Airlines suffered a bird strike on a passenger liner while landing in New York Tuesday. There's a lot of angry terrorists out there. It's becoming more apparent by the day that Osama bin Laden has outsourced their jobs to Canadian geese.

President Obama congratulated Iraq on its sovereignty Tuesday at a White House event. He seemed clearly happy. The president made these remarks while speaking to a national organization of nonprofit groups, formerly known as the Big Three automakers.

President Obama expressed anger Tuesday over the Honduras coup which overthrew the Marxist, putting a U.S. president on the same side as Castro, Chavez and Ortega. It has to be a misunderstanding. The best guess is, his aides asked him to bail out a banana republic, and Barack Obama just assumed they were talking about the retailer.

Mexico police working with police dogs provided by the DEA seized five tons of cocaine Tuesday at Cabo San Lucas. It was a huge haul. The cops knew they had some thing when the dog started sniffing the bales and then sat down and wrote a rock song.

Vanity Fair ran a devastating piece on Sarah Palin which describes the governor as an unstable and narcissistic egomaniac. Every day she's targeted for attack by the elite media. She was just voted Rookie of the Year by the Nixon Library.


Copyright 2009 Argus Hamilton
All rights reserved.
Material may be quoted with attribution.

###

Comedian and nationally syndicated columnist Argus Hamilton entertains at corporate events and meetings around the country. When home in Los Angeles, he can be seen live onstage at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. Contact Argus@ArgusHamilton.com for more information. Argus Hamilton's bio