Argus Hamilton's column for 4-8-09

HOLLYWOOD--Happy Wednesday, and how's everybody?

President Obama apologized for American arrogance during a speech in France on Friday. Of course America is contemptuous of France. We cleaned up after France in Vietnam, Haiti, Lebanon and World War II, and nobody jokes about you like the maid.

President Obama goes to Mexico next week for a presidential summit while he's under pressure by Latino leaders to ease immigration laws. Immigrants do the jobs Americans refuse to do. No American wants to be president of GM for what Obama's willing to pay.

President Obama landed in Strasbourg Friday for NATO's sixtieth anniversary summit meeting. Sixty years ago the U.S. taxpayers financed a military alliance to stop the march of world socialism. Why should it march when we'll send a car for it?

President Obama backed free trade Friday, saying no one should protect domestic companies from foreign competition. He just killed Detroit a week after seizing it. That should silence everyone who said he doesn't know how to run an auto industry.

Oakland residents staged protest marches Friday against police brutality. They accuse cops of grabbing street dealers and knocking out their teeth. With gold at a thousand dollars an ounce not everyone has the patience to stand in a river and shake a pan.

Illinois's former governor Rod Blagojevich was indicted on corruption charges on Friday. It's ruinous. The Olympic Committee members were leaning toward giving the Summer Games to Chicago until the city cleaned up its act and cracked down on bribery.

The New York Yankees on Saturday unveiled their new Yankee Stadium. It's built for a really good time. It includes a sports bar with disco music and a full view of the field where women drink for half-price, and that's just the Yankees dugout.

New England Patriots star Tom Brady and supermodel Gisele Bundchen announced plans to get married in Costa Rica this week. Last month they were married in Santa Monica. In this economy no matter how rich you are, you can never have enough toasters.

Cabo San Lucas reported big college crowds last month for spring break. That's when college students head for Mexico to drink, do drugs and have sex. After that they go back to school and return to the same old grind--drink, do drugs and have sex.

Queen Elizabeth upbraided Italian prime minister Silvio Berlusconi for cutting up and making noise at the Group of Twenty leaders group photo Thursday. The man is simply irrepressible. Silvio Berlusconi is like fine wine, about twelve percent alcohol.

Bill Clinton admitted in an interview last week that he has tremors in his hand but said it's not Parkinson's. He prides himself on being in shape. Last weekend Bill Clinton did a marathon when he was home in New York, but it was a Baywatch marathon.

Michelle Obama was a huge hit in Britain at the G-20 Summit. She was adored by the British press and public and children who followed her everywhere. She's so much like Princess Diana it rekindled the passion between Prince Charles and Camilla.

The Justice Department prepared Wednesday to drop all charges against Alaska's convicted former U.S. Senator Ted Stevens. This guy was a legend in Washington D.C. Ted Stevens brought home so much pork in forty years that he's banned in two religions.


Copyright 2009 Argus Hamilton
All rights reserved.
Material may be quoted with attribution.

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Comedian and nationally syndicated columnist Argus Hamilton entertains at corporate events and meetings around the country. When home in Los Angeles, he can be seen live onstage at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. Contact Argus@ArgusHamilton.com for more information. Argus Hamilton's bio