Argus Hamilton's column for 1-28-09

HOLLYWOOD--Happy Wednesday, and how's everybody?

You're Welcome America: A Final Night with George W. Bush, starring Will Ferrell, opened on Broadway Friday. It is a monster hit. Until you're allowed to laugh at Barack Obama in mixed company, Will Farrell will be the only comic working in New York.

President Obama read off corporate layoffs Monday to help sell his stimulus plan. Forty thousand American workers lost their jobs Monday. This interruption in training could cost us the gold medal in computer solitaire at the London Olympics.

Iceland experienced riots in the capital city of Reykjavik Monday following the sudden failure of an Icelandic bank. Depositors felt blindsided. This all could have been avoided if only Al Gore had made a film warning about mortgage-backed securities.

Citigroup angered taxpayers Monday after the bailed-out bank purchased a fifty million dollar corporate jet. It seats twelve. That's one bank executive and eleven congressmen who need a ride back to their districts and don't want to fly commercial.

Dallas Cowboys star Terrell Owens was given his own reality show Monday. What's his connection to reality? Terrell Owens is such a wreck waiting to happen that the production can't even get insurance unless they hire Sully Sullenberger to direct.

Joe Torre stated in his new book Monday that Alex Rodriguez had a Single White Female-like fixation on shortstop Derek Jeter. It hasn't hurt his endorsement deals. Alex Rodriguez just got an offer to be the spokesman for Overturn Proposition Eight.

The Oklahoma Sooners were rated the top college football program in history by ESPN computers Monday. USC is second but that could change. The Democrats want to spend hundreds of millions on birth control, which could push the Trojans over the top.

Speaker Nancy Pelosi told the Sunday news shows that Congress spending two hundred million dollars on birth control will help stimulate the American economy. This is crazy. An economy that is screwing this many people doesn't need any more stimulation.

President Obama released details of his stimulus package Sunday. He's good for business. The Park Service said that two million people crowded into the national mall on Inauguration Day, which is the first time a mall has been crowded in two years.

Governor Rod Blagojevich boycotted his impeachment trial in the Illinois Senate Monday and appeared on New York talk shows. He compared himself to Gandhi and Abe Lincoln and Martin Luther King. The act is worth a try, it got Barack Obama elected president.

President Obama urged Republicans not to listen to Rush Limbaugh Monday saying his approach is not how to get things done. The president has reason to worry. A Green Bay school accidentally aired his radio show over the school PA system during the Inauguration, and now all the children are wearing Sarah Palin buttons to school.

Hillary Clinton named an envoy for climate change Tuesday, adding to her envoy for the Middle East, her envoy for Pakistan and her envoy for Afghanistan. Is this a good idea? Delegating the management of hot spots is what got her husband impeached.

Caroline Kennedy was reported furious Monday at New York's governor for leaking reports that she was sleeping with the publisher of the New York Times. That's so beneath her. A woman with her background should rate the publisher of the London Times.


Copyright 2009 Argus Hamilton
All rights reserved.
Material may be quoted with attribution.

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Comedian and nationally syndicated columnist Argus Hamilton entertains at corporate events and meetings around the country. When home in Los Angeles, he can be seen live onstage at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. Contact Argus@ArgusHamilton.com for more information. Argus Hamilton's bio