Argus Hamilton's column for 12-12-08

HOLLYWOOD--Happy Friday, and how's everybody?

Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich laid low Wednesday after he was arrested for trying to sell a U.S. Senate seat. The cameras caught up with him at a local flea market. He was there to get something for his wife but no one would start the bidding.

Governor Rod Blagojevich's arrest Tuesday put the media glare on Barack Obama's political mentors, including the arrested governor and the indicted Tony Rezko. We know where this is going to lead. Ron Howard has already agreed to direct Frost/Obama.

Chicago's U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald had Governor Blagojevich arrested Tuesday and produced audiotaped evidence of his greed and venal corruption. The question is, now what? They can't put the governor in jail, it would corrupt the petty thieves.

Congressman Jesse Jackson was identified as Candidate Number Five in FBI tapes of Senate candidates considered by Blagojevich. It caused a crisis. His marriage was saved once he reassured his wife that he's Candidate Number Five, not Client Number Five.

U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald defended his decision to have Governor Blagojevich arrested Tuesday. He's spent years convicting corrupt public officials, crooked cops and mobsters. Patrick Fitzgerald could not be more out of place in Chicago if he were a World Series trophy.

The Chicago Tribune Company filed for bankruptcy on Tuesday. Sales charts show a steady drop-off in readership since Bill Clinton left the White House and President Bush came into office. It shows that two wars and a crash don't equal one good sex scandal.

President Bush spoke at West Point Tuesday and defended his decision to invade Iraq and topple Saddam Hussein. The president sounded confident, assertive and sure of himself. He had the glow of a man who was happy to be back to his original mistake.

Caroline Kennedy lobbied for New York's Senate seat Wednesday. She sank Hillary's presidential bid with her enthusiastic endorsement of Barack Obama. The Clintons tried claiming that she's a stalker, but Caroline is old enough to be Monica's mother.

Call In Gay Day was declared Wednesday by gay rights activists who asked gay people to call in sick from work. The timing was bad. It could start a lot of false rumors in the workplace when you declare this day in the middle of cold season.

Wall Street sought SEC approval Thursday to let futures investors bet on movie box office grosses six months ahead of time. Investment bankers have done it again. Movie-backed securities will make mortgage-backed securities look like U.S. Savings Bonds.

The National Football League office fired one hundred and fifty employees this week. They blamed it on the slump in the economy that's nationwide. Last night in Beverly Hills, a pickpocket who works Rodeo Drive came home with twelve pounds of lint.

Exxon Valdez plaintiffs in Alaska finally began receiving payments from Exxon Mobil, twenty years after Joseph Hazelwood drove an oil tanker drunk into the rocks and ruined the eco-system. He ended up stimulating the economy. At last summer's oil prices, some of those seal skins were selling for twenty thousand dollars apiece.

Daily Variety said Wednesday that Young Frankenstein will close on Broadway in January. Every night for eight years New York theatergoers have been able to enjoy either a comedy about Hitler, a drama about Nixon or a musical about Frankenstein. President Bush could fund his presidential library if he'd just learn how to tap dance.



Copyright 2008 Argus Hamilton
All rights reserved.
Material may be quoted with attribution.

###

Comedian and nationally syndicated columnist Argus Hamilton entertains at corporate events and meetings around the country. When home in Los Angeles, he can be seen live onstage at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. Contact Argus@ArgusHamilton.com for more information. Argus Hamilton's bio