Argus Hamilton's column for 10-9-08

HOLLYWOOD--Happy Thursday, and how's everybody?

John McCain and Barack Obama had their second presidential debate in Nashville Tuesday at Belmont University. It was very tense. Before the debate even started, bomb-sniffing dogs went through the auditorium looking for Barack Obama's old friends.

John McCain startled GOP debate viewers Tuesday by proposing a government plan to prop up home values to help solve the mortgage mess. The signs at his rallies all say Country First. Even his campaign slogan sounds like a failed savings and loan.

Barack Obama called for a national health care program in Tuesday's debate. He said health care coverage should be universal in a country as wealthy as the United States. When he memorized that line four weeks ago it seemed perfectly logical.

Barack Obama suggested Warren Buffett for Treasury Secretary and John McCain suggested eBay CEO Meg Whitman. It raises two questions. Would Warren Buffett want his picture on the money, and how much could Meg Whitman could get us for Puerto Rico?

NBC News star Tom Brokaw moderated Tuesday's debate in Nashville and spent half the debate lecturing Barack Obama and John McCain. He told them to stick to the subject, answer the questions and talk less. When he asked them if they agree with the British that we need an acceptable dictator in Afghanistan, they both endorsed him for the job.

Sarah Palin took aim at Barack Obama on the campaign trail Monday for his ties to Sixties radical bomber Bill Ayers. Ask any moose if she's good at this. The difference between Sarah Palin and Dick Cheney is, when she shoots you, you stay down.

Barack Obama's fundraising is under Federal Election Commission review for foreign Internet donations to his campaign. It'll blow over. It was revealed Obama received more than three million dollars in donations from people overseas who might not be U.S. citizens, family mostly.

New York plastic surgeons on Monday reported a boom in facelifts for brokers and money managers who are suddenly looking for new jobs. They have no trouble paying for the procedure. The bags under their eyes are where they stored last year's bonuses.

The Wall Street Journal said Tuesday's sell-off could have been much worse. The obituary page listed only three deaths. One trader had a heart attack at eighty-two, one had kidney failure at seventy-five, and the other had Lehman Brothers at sixty-six.

Lehman Brothers' former CEO Richard Fuld was slugged by a disgruntled client at their Manhattan gym Sunday. The client fury is spreading. Investment bankers can't lay out on the beach in Southern California because cats keep kicking sand over them.

President Bush went on the air Tuesday to assure America that the economy will recover and improve eventually. He needs to work on his pep talks. The Dow Jones fell a hundred points when he said we have nothing to fear but some very scary things.

President Bush predicted Tuesday there won't be a quick economic recovery. He's experienced at this by now. No one's seen Oliver Stone's new film about President Bush, but if it's not a disaster movie everybody will be asking for their money back.

President Bush told a USO benefit Sunday that things began to turn around in Iraq when the USO deployed Jessica Simpson. It's a none too subtle hint. The president is a bit annoyed that she is dating the quarterback when he's the King of the Cowboys.


Copyright 2008 Argus Hamilton
All rights reserved.
Material may be quoted with attribution.

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Comedian and nationally syndicated columnist Argus Hamilton entertains at corporate events and meetings around the country. When home in Los Angeles, he can be seen live onstage at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. Contact Argus@ArgusHamilton.com for more information. Argus Hamilton's bio