Argus Hamilton's column for 9-10-08

HOLLYWOOD--Happy Wednesday, and how's everybody?

President Bush went biking with Washington Redskins coach Jim Zorn Sunday. They hit it off. The great thing about having the most powerful job in Washington is you can meet anybody you want, and for some reason Jim Zorn wanted to meet the president.

The Treasury Department seized Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac Sunday and put them in government conservatorship. It didn't poll well. Most Americans feel that Sarah Palin should be allowed to run for vice president without having her kids taken away.

Toyota began advertising new cars that run on alternative fuels on Sunday. One experimental car was driven across the country last year powered only by French fry oil. The only drawback is they had to stop every thousand miles to change the ketchup.

Sarah Palin agreed to be interviewed by Charlie Gibson on ABC News this week. The campaign hasn't allowed her to do any interviews or make any unscripted appearances until now. If Tom Brady had been protected like this, he would still be a quarterback.

The New York Times on Monday put to rest rumors that Sarah Palin's baby is really her grandchild. Her family is under relentless investigation. The only way to keep Sarah Palin's baby out of the news is to leak that John Edwards is the father.

John McCain and his wife Cindy will appear on The View Friday. Don't dismiss celebrity culture. John McCain's surged ten points in the polls ever since he adopted Paris Hilton's offshore drilling plan and named Britney Spears's mom to be his running mate.

Cindy McCain was reported on Monday to have worn four hundred thousand dollars in jewelry at the GOP convention. She wore Oscar de la Renta dresses. It proves there's no business in the world that's as recession-proof as selling beer in Arizona.

Oprah Winfrey's magazine suffered cancellations from GOP women and pro-lifers Monday when she wouldn't let Sarah Palin on her show. It frees Oprah to run different kinds of articles. Watch for a cover story soon on How Your Children Can Help Greta Van Susteren's Ratings.

President Bush canceled a nuclear deal with Moscow Monday over the invasion of Georgia. The Russians are remorseless. When President Bush phoned Vladimir Putin at the Kremlin, the on-hold music was Marching Through Georgia sung by the Red Army Chorus.

Hurricane Ike's approach toward Cuba last weekend prompted a few Cubans to try to sail to Miami amid the confusion. Some Cubans have figured out a perfect way to slip into South Florida. They hide inside bales of cocaine and wash ashore undetected.

The Department of Health released a survey Tuesday showing remarkable progress in the War on Drugs. Only eight percent of Americans used illegal drugs last year. It's just another example of young people rebelling against their Baby Boomer parents.

President Bush complained Monday that the national spirit of volunteerism has declined since the days following the World Trade Center attack. He misses the days when everyone put their lives on hold and did whatever he told them. It's times like this he wishes that Saddam Hussein was still alive so he could ask him for advice.


Copyright 2008 Argus Hamilton
All rights reserved.
Material may be quoted with attribution.

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Comedian and nationally syndicated columnist Argus Hamilton entertains at corporate events and meetings around the country. When home in Los Angeles, he can be seen live onstage at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. Contact Argus@ArgusHamilton.com for more information. Argus Hamilton's bio