Argus Hamilton's column for 8-20-08

HOLLYWOOD--Happy Wednesday, and how's everybody?

Michael Phelps hinted Monday that he might compete in the London Olympic Games in four years. He just set seven world records and won eight gold medals. So you see, John Edwards isn't the only man who hasn't evolved, Michael Phelps is still a fish.

President Bush told Michael Phelps that he and his father were honored to pose for photos with the swimmer's mother in China. The dynasty isn't over. One of the Bush daughters may be able to run under her married name someday and no one will know.

The Georgia Bulldogs were voted number one in the AP annual pre-season college football poll Friday, despite eight arrests and six suspensions. The state is in an uproar but not over football player misconduct. They think the Russians are coming.

U.S. Olympic baseball team batters were hit six times by China's pitcher Monday until a U.S. player ran over the Chinese catcher at home plate. The American players are a lot tougher than Chinese players. You grow up that way when you have brothers at home.

Robert Downey Jr. incited protests by civil rights groups Monday after he played a comedy role in Tropic Thunder in blackface. The movie is a huge box-office hit. Six months from now Meryl Streep will win the Academy Award for playing Richard Pryor.

Brett Favre thrilled New York Jets fans with his play Saturday. There is a lot more interest in the Jets games now. The fans in the end-zone seats have stopped asking women to take their blouses off and started asking them to take their hats off.

George Clooney denied Tuesday that he ever advised Barack Obama on foreign policy. He said he's never text-messaged or e-mailed him and he offered a million dollars to anyone who can prove otherwise. Dick Cheney may have just funded his retirement cottage.

John McCain outperformed Barack Obama at the Saddleback Church forum in Orange County, California, Saturday. He can sense the nation's mood. Americans are sick and tired of inspiration and unity and soaring rhetoric, they want to invade somebody.

John McCain complained to NBC News after Andrea Mitchell aired rumors he broke the rules to win Saturday's debate. He angrily denied cheating, which is surprising. John McCain is at the age where people secretly applaud a guy for committing adultery.

Barack Obama raised almost eight million dollars in three fund-raisers Sunday in San Francisco. He flew up to San Francisco after his grilling in front of three thousand Orange County evangelicals. It proved that heaven and hell is different for everybody.

Mike Huckabee flew to Tel Aviv Monday, saying Israel is safer than America. Now that's faith. Mike Huckabee just signed a deal with Fox News which is so lucrative that Bill Maher might do commercials for his HBO show with a cross over his right shoulder.

Fox News reported rumors Monday that Hillary Clinton was getting a little work done on her face before the convention. It's quite unnecessary. If she wants to have surgery to help her get elected president, it's going to have to be a sex change.

Pakistan dictator Pervez Musharraf resigned Monday to flee the country. He was installed by the CIA just like Saddam Hussein was in Iraq. Pervez Musharraf wants to get the hell out of Dodge before his pension vests and one of the Bushes has him hanged.


Copyright 2008 Argus Hamilton
All rights reserved.
Material may be quoted with attribution.

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Comedian and nationally syndicated columnist Argus Hamilton entertains at corporate events and meetings around the country. When home in Los Angeles, he can be seen live onstage at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. Contact Argus@ArgusHamilton.com for more information. Argus Hamilton's bio