Argus Hamilton's column for 4-13-08

BEVERLY HILLS--Happy Sunday, and how's everybody?

President Bush gave a speech Thursday declaring his resolve to stay the course in Iraq. It lowered morale. He's reducing troop deployments from fifteen months to twelve months but he is bringing them home on American Airlines, so it comes out even.

Augusta National will host the final round of the Masters on Sunday. The sport lives in its own special world. The Golf Channel asked President Bush to boycott the opening ceremony of the Olympics because of the cruelty of China's pin placements.

Bill Clinton was called the most expensive ex-president in history Thursday by congressional auditors for his cost to the taxpayers. How many times do the bean counters of this world need to hear this before it finally sinks in. Funny isn't free.

Air America radio host Randi Rhodes resigned rather than apologize for calling Hillary Clinton a whore while speaking onstage in San Francisco. It was painful to watch. Two drinks and a microphone have ended more careers than rotator cuff surgery.

Jimmy Carter infuriated the White House Friday by stating he will fly to Syria to meet with Palestinian terrorist Khaled Mashaal. Talk about bad company. This guy is number one on Israel's most wanted list, and Khaled Mashaal is a close second.

A Baltimore teacher was attacked by a female student last Friday when the teacher told her to be seated. It was recorded by a cell phone. It made people long for the good old days when teachers and students relieved classroom tension by having sex together.

John McCain looked vigorous when he appeared on ABC's The View Thursday. Nobody mentions age on this show. The senator can't talk about his age right now anyway, he's too busy denying rumors that he and Mary Todd Lincoln were more than just friends.

John McCain toured Brooklyn Thursday where he said government should help deserving homeowners pay their mortgage payments. He didn't explain how he would separate the deserving from the undeserving. Once a bomber pilot, always a bomber pilot.

Barack Obama said Thursday he supports the repeal of the Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy on gays in the military. The issue hasn't been in the news lately. At this juncture most people think sodomy's what the United States did to Saddam Hussein.

Pakistan said it might end the house arrest of rogue nuclear scientist A.Q. Khan, who is exalted in Pakistan as the Father of the Islamic Bomb. He has sold nuclear technology on the black market. Every ten years another country cuts in front of Iran.

President Bush announced to no one's surprise on Thursday that he's halting the post-surge drawdown of U.S. troops in Iraq. He said we are now at war with al-Qaeda and Iran. If he can just get one more war punched on his card he gets a free car wash.

Pope Benedict will arrive in New York Saturday amid heavy security. He will be guarded by undercover cops, marksmen on roofs and police dogs on his parade route. The overall idea is to make him feel at home by re-creating his childhood in Germany.

Christie's auctioned a nude photo of France's first lady Carla Sarkozy. President Sarkozy dumped his first wife after his election and married the supermodel. French presidents don't typically win trophies for military valor so they have to marry them.



Copyright 2008 Argus Hamilton
All rights reserved.
Material may be quoted with attribution.

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Comedian and nationally syndicated columnist Argus Hamilton entertains at corporate events and meetings around the country. When home in Los Angeles, he can be seen live onstage at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. Contact Argus@ArgusHamilton.com for more information. Argus Hamilton's bio