Argus Hamilton's column for 3-13-08

HOLLYWOOD--Happy Thursday, and how's everybody?

Hillary Clinton declined comment Tuesday on New York Governor Eliot Spitzer's prostitute scandal. He was set to support her at the Democratic Party convention. Hillary couldn't have picked a more embarrassing super-delegate if she had married him.

New York Governor Eliot Spitzer was pressured to resign Monday after admitting he hired a hooker in a Washington D.C. hotel. The governor's lawyer said the incident was overblown. The guy's not paying five thousand dollars an hour for a gentle breeze.

Governor Eliot Spitzer met his prostitute last month at the Mayflower Hotel in Washington D.C. For a hundred years it's been the preferred hotel of congressmen and senators and lobbyists. In every room the Gideon Bibles are chained to the nightstand.

New York's former mayor Ed Koch said Monday he thought Governor Spitzer appeared to be working under a lot of strain lately. The governor's friends were urging him to seek professional help. They should have been more specific about which profession.

New York State Assembly Republicans vowed Tuesday to impeach Governor Eliot Spitzer if he didn't resign his office, as he negotiated with prosecutors for a way out of this. The governor is desperate to avoid going to prison. He is not that kinky.

New York's Lieutenant Governor David Paterson was poised to become governor on Tuesday with Eliot Spitzer's resignation believed imminent. He would be New York's first legally blind governor. You need to be both to get a parking spot in Manhattan.

The White House announced Tuesday Dick Cheney will fly to the Middle East next week for talks with Saudi Arabia to try to bring down oil prices. He's also going to the region to lobby for peace. Apparently it is never too late for a career change.

The London Mail said a new camera has been invented that can see through clothes and reveal guns and cocaine and body parts. There's no market for it in Hollywood. Nobody wears underwear anyway and you don't need a camera to know who has got cocaine.

Oklahoma City passed a sales tax to help lure the Supersonics there. The money will be used to remodel the arena to NBA size. The tough part will be persuading Toby Keith and Garth Brooks and Billy Graham to work a smaller room when they come to town.

Geraldine Ferraro claimed Tuesday Barack Obama wouldn't be where he is in the presidential race today if he were white. He would be even further ahead. White guys born in the early Sixties had middle names like Maverick, Cartwright and Gunsmoke and he would have carried Texas by twenty points.

The Pentagon released a report which examined six hundred thousand papers from Saddam's regime and found no link to al-Qaeda. He also had no WMDs. With any luck, the George W. Bush Presidential Library will house some baseball memorabilia worth seeing.

Admiral William Fallon stepped down Tuesday as head of Centcom, which oversees military operations in the Middle East. Everyone agreed he was a restrained and rational and independent military commander of unquestioned integrity. So he had to go.

NBC News reported Tuesday that black talk radio listeners are vowing to stay home on Election Day if Barack loses the nomination to Hillary at the convention. It's down to this. Only one of them will have a chance to be president, and it's the one who becomes John McCain's vice president and waits until the affair with the lobbyist forces his resignation.



Copyright 2008 Argus Hamilton
All rights reserved.
Material may be quoted with attribution.

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Comedian and nationally syndicated columnist Argus Hamilton entertains at corporate events and meetings around the country. When home in Los Angeles, he can be seen live onstage at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. Contact Argus@ArgusHamilton.com for more information. Argus Hamilton's bio