Argus Hamilton's column for 2-26-08

HOLLYWOOD--Happy Tuesday, and how's everybody?

The Women's Media Foundation sought nominations Sunday for its Courage in Journalism award. That's easy. The bravest man in America is the one who woke up John McCain Monday with the news that all the major Academy Awards went to No Country for Old Men.

The Academy Awards ceremony aired live from Hollywood Sunday. The winners were careful onstage. Five years ago Michael Moore predicted that Saddam Hussein had no weapons of mass destruction, now everyone bugs him about what stocks they should pick.

The Kodak Theatre was the site of the Academy Awards Sunday as a light drizzle fell on Hollywood Boulevard. The red carpet was covered by a plastic canopy. In the camera shots from the helicopter it looked like the broadcast was sponsored by Trojan.

Mike Huckabee appeared on NBC's Saturday Night Live and poked fun at his hopeless campaign. Everyone agrees he's funny, entertaining and hip. He finished dead last among ten million candidates for the Southern Baptist Convention's annual image award.

The NFL combine in Indianapolis Sunday measured rookies for speed and strength and agility. You can tell there's about to be a new president. Last year there was a lot of limping around because of rumors that Uncle Sam had the first draft pick.

St. Louis Cardinals manager Tony La Russa tried and failed to get the team brass to sign Barry Bonds. He once managed Mark McGwire and Jose Canseco. Tony LaRussa has a master's degree in law and a doctorate who will inject anyone, no questions asked.

Fidel Castro resigned his office and announced he's going on a vacation Friday. He survived ten U.S. presidents who tried to get rid of him and he beat the odds last year on the operating table. Sears will never find a better spokesman for the DieHard.

Ralph Nader announced for president Sunday on NBC's Meet the Press. He cost Al Gore the presidency and today Al's got five hundred million dollars, an Oscar, and a Nobel Prize. William Shatner just asked Ralph Nader to run against him for the Emmy.

Southern Methodist University finally agreed to house the George W. Bush Library despite outrage by bishops and clergy. It will include a think tank to promote his policies and philosophy. What they need is an Abrams tank to run over the protesters.

Hillary Clinton was criticized by her donors Friday for spending too much money on hotels and catering. She spent a fortune on four-star restaurants and hotels. Democrats believe that if you don't eat like a president you don't look like a president.

John McCain denied charges Friday that he kept a lobbyist mistress. Now he has to get his wife a Senate seat. By the time Larry Flynt gets through exposing all the cheaters on Capitol Hill, the Senate will look like the tea room at Bloomingdale's.

The U.S. Navy's successful demolition of a falling satellite caused a sensation in diplomatic circles around the globe. The missile was reconfigured in less than a month to hit a satellite, and it was fired from a Navy ship at sea, and it worked just perfectly. Michelle Obama said it made her feel moderately proud of her country.

The Pentagon questioned Barack Obama Saturday for saying in the last debate that U.S. troops are using Taliban weapons because it's faster than getting U.S. weapons delivered. Don't expect much news coverage. CNN and MSNBC will admit President Bush was right about something before they admit that Barack Obama was wrong about something.



Copyright 2008 Argus Hamilton
All rights reserved.
Material may be quoted with attribution.

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Comedian and nationally syndicated columnist Argus Hamilton entertains at corporate events and meetings around the country. When home in Los Angeles, he can be seen live onstage at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. Contact Argus@ArgusHamilton.com for more information. Argus Hamilton's bio