Argus Hamilton's column for 2-17-08

BEVERLY HILLS--Happy Sunday, and how's everybody?

NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell met with Senator Arlen Specter about the New England Patriots spying scandal. The league office destroyed videotape of illegal activity. Everybody on Capitol Hill wants to meet Roger Goodell and find out if he does parties.

Roger Clemens testified in Congress about charges he used steroids late in his career. Why single him out? George Washington was in his forties when he threw a silver dollar across the Potomac River and nobody put his name in the Mitchell Report.

New York Assemblyman Jeff Aubrey ripped a proposed sales tax on cocaine saying dealers already pay too much for fines and defense lawyers. It's a growth industry. Last week three dealers were arrested still wearing their real estate company blazers.

President Bush gave an interview to Fox News Sunday and acknowledged the lousy economy, his low approval ratings and the unpopular war. He wasn't able to reveal any post-presidential plans. Like most Americans he can't go anywhere til his house sells.

Hillary Clinton was endorsed by Senator John Glenn Tuesday. You cannot make it up. John Glenn was a Korean War fighter jet ace, the first American to orbit earth, and the oldest man to go in space, and they say his endorsement gives Hillary gravitas.

Hillary Clinton's deputy campaign manager Mike Henry resigned Tuesday after her campaign manager Patti Solis Doyle stepped down to spend more time with her children. It took a day to work out details of his departure. As soon as he said he was leaving to spend more time with Patti Solis Doyle's children, the cops showed up.

Larry King asked Michele Obama what she loves about her husband on Monday. She said he takes the kids trick-or-treating, he came home for Christmas and he always remembers their wedding anniversary. It's what we call in Hollywood the little things.

The Los Angeles City Council weighed a bill to stop photographers from chasing after celebrities in their cars. The insurance companies oppose the bill. They like to have a complete photographic record whenever a Mercedes Benz is involved in a wreck.

John McCain won the Washington D.C. primary with sixty-seven percent of the vote Tuesday. It was easy. There are three GOP lawmakers who sleep on their couches on Capitol Hill and John McCain promised to name two of them ambassador to Great Britain.

President Bush hosted an event in honor of Black History Month Tuesday. It almost didn't happen. He wasn't going to have a Black History Month event until his aides assured him that it wasn't a celebration of budget surpluses during the Clinton years.

The White House sent an offical cable to U.S. diplomats overseas Wednesday with strict instructions to defend the president's decision to seek execution for tortured terror suspects. The diplomats are naturally confused. The president told them to compare the U.S. position to the Nuremburg trials, but he didn't say which side.

Sports Illustrated photographed its swimsuit issue models in the Cayman Islands for the first time. That's where billionaires hide their money and spend their winters. It's a brilliant way to get that money back to the U.S. through divorce courts.

Patty Hearst and her bulldog Diva won the second-place prize for Best-in-Breed at the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show Monday. She didn't have it on a leash. Once you make a dog feel like she is a part of the revolution, she teaches herself to stay.


Copyright 2008 Argus Hamilton
All rights reserved.
Material may be quoted with attribution.

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Comedian and nationally syndicated columnist Argus Hamilton entertains at corporate events and meetings around the country. When home in Los Angeles, he can be seen live onstage at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. Contact Argus@ArgusHamilton.com for more information. Argus Hamilton's bio