Argus Hamilton's column for 2-15-08

LA JOLLA--Happy Friday, and how's everybody?

Michelle Obama said Monday Barack snores and doesn't put the butter back in the fridge. She said she's tired of hearing him deified as some god. Last week Billy Graham called up his house and asked if he might live long enough to do his second Inaugural.

Pew Research Center projected Monday that by mid-century, one in five Americans will be foreign-born. The conclusion drawn by the pollsters has been questioned. How can they be sure that John McCain will not only get elected but re-elected president?

Hillary Clinton insisted Monday the personnel change inside her campaign is not a shake-up. She said her campaign manager left to spend more time with her kids. Like a lot of kids they were volunteering for Obama just to get back at their parents.

Los Angeles had its first house slide of the season Monday after rain weakened the hillsides underneath multimillion-dollar homes. No one was hurt. California has a new state law requiring everyone to wear a seatbelt whenever they're sitting on the front porch.

Arnold Schwarzenegger said Friday if Republicans want to win they will have to be more like him. It's ominous. He gave the same pep talk to Major League Baseball players twenty years ago and now they have to tell Congress the truth or go to prison.

Roger Clemens stopped by Capitol Hill last Friday to chat with lawmakers before his steroid hearing. He was a sensation. The only visitor who was ever recognized by more congressmen and staffers was Ron Jeremy, although only the Democrats admitted it.

Roger Clemens denied accuser Brian McNamee's story that he attended a party at Jose Canseco's house ten years ago. He says he has a receipt to prove that he was on a golf course at the time. Now he's a suspect in the murder of Nicole Brown Simpson.

Amy Winehouse was the toast of the music industry Sunday when the Grammy Awards show in Los Angeles awarded the rehabbing British ballad singer a record-tying five Grammys in a single night. She was hugely excited. She thought she had won five grams.

Las Vegas somehow outpolled Los Angeles on Monday as the epicenter of the home mortgage foreclosure crisis. It must be bad there. So many people in Los Angeles are digging themselves into a hole that it's cut subway construction costs by fifty percent.

President Bush hosted a birthday celebration for Abraham Lincoln Sunday in the White House. It was a fitting tribute. He led the nation into a civil war and suspended constitutional rights and alienated half the country, and so did Abe Lincoln.

President Bush signed the economic stimulus bill Wednesday, which he declared will keep the economy going and people working. Full employment nowadays is absolutely vital. Another eight hours a day of eating and watching television could kill us all.

John McCain was endorsed by Jeb Bush Monday a day after President Bush praised John McCain as a real conservative. He'll be alright. If John McCain can withstand torture from the North Vietnamese he can survive an endorsement from the Bush Family.

Swiss police reported a major theft of classic paintings in Zurich Monday. Art can accurately label your personality just by your ancestry. Italians use art to glorify God, the French use art to glorify love and the British prefer self-portraits.



Copyright 2008 Argus Hamilton
All rights reserved.
Material may be quoted with attribution.

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Comedian and nationally syndicated columnist Argus Hamilton entertains at corporate events and meetings around the country. When home in Los Angeles, he can be seen live onstage at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. Contact Argus@ArgusHamilton.com for more information. Argus Hamilton's bio