Argus Hamilton's column for 2-10-08

BEVERLY HILLS--Happy Sunday, and how's everybody?

President Bush was cheered at a conservative conference in Washington Friday. He just completed the Republican Grand Slam. That's when you play golf on Christmas and Thanksgiving and your wedding anniversary and your wife's birthday, all in one year.

Britney Spears was escorted from UCLA Hospital's psychiatric ward to the Beverly Hills Hotel Wednesday. It's so sad. The Writers Guild has so crippled Hollywood that the Beverly Hills Hotel is having to house mental patients to keep the doors open.

Saudi Arabia arrested a U.S. businesswoman working in Riyadh Tuesday for sitting inside a Starbucks in public with a man. The lack of freedom is ridiculous in that country. Riyadh has the only comedy club in the world with a cemetery on the premises.

The Super Bowl's record ratings Sunday were followed by the usual February fan letdown. That will change this week. On any day, you can turn on CSPAN and watch the Senate play the New England Patriots or watch the House try to hit Roger Clemens.

Brian McNamee gave federal agents the syringes and gauze pads he said he used to inject Roger Clemens with steroids. He turned over the DNA after Clemens denied it under oath. Roger Clemens wishes he could sit down just once after a session with Brian McNamee.

Mitt Romney quit the GOP race Thursday after he spent forty million dollars of his own money in a failed effort. He should thank his lucky stars. It kept the forty million out of the stock market and out of real estate, so he wound up way ahead.

Howard Dean warned against a brokered Democratic party convention this summer with Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama virtually tied in primary delegates. Five hundred at-large super delegates can vote any way they like. The next Secretary of State will only be able to serve three days now that there will be five hundred of them.

Dick Cheney and John McCain spoke to the conservative conference in Washington Thursday. There was a lot of bad blood. John McCain had just said he wants to keep troops in Iraq for one hundred years and Dick Cheney took him to the woodshed for setting timetables.

Dick Cheney took his hunting dog Dave to the veterinarian Thursday in his vice presidential limousine with Secret Service protection. He doesn't trust anyone else to take care of his dog. If anything were to happen to Dave, Barney becomes president.

The White House proposed a three-trillion-dollar federal budget to Congress on Tuesday. It doesn't take into account the cost of keeping U.S. troops in Iraq. Having Iraq as your ally is like having a brother-in-law with a gambling problem and no car.

U.S. officials expressed concern Thursday about the health of Iraq's top Shiite cleric, Grand Ayatollah Ali al-Sistani. He's sharply reduced his workload lately. Either he's about to die, or he just got offered a part as district attorney on Law and Order.

President Bush told the National Prayer Breakfast Thursday about prayer and how it transformed his once-sinful life. It sounded forced. Normally Episcopalians believe that people shouldn't wear their religions on their sleeves, that area is reserved for cuff links.

The World Health Organization said Wednesday that tobacco could kill a billion people by the century's end if governments don't adopt anti-smoking policies. They should make up their minds. Either they think overpopulation is a problem or they don't.


Copyright 2008 Argus Hamilton
All rights reserved.
Material may be quoted with attribution.

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Comedian and nationally syndicated columnist Argus Hamilton entertains at corporate events and meetings around the country. When home in Los Angeles, he can be seen live onstage at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. Contact Argus@ArgusHamilton.com for more information. Argus Hamilton's bio