Argus Hamilton's column for 12-9-07

BEVERLY HILLS--Happy Sunday, and how's everybody?

The White House admitted President Bush was told in August that Iran had ended its nuclear weapons program four years ago. He kept threatening Iran into October. Republicans believe it's Reaganesque to forget what people told you two months ago.

Donald Trump dined at the Buffalo Club in Los Angeles on Thursday and left his waiter a ten thousand dollar tip. He just wanted the publicity. He keeps hearing the candidates talk about the Supreme Being and he never sees his name in the article.

Mitt Romney stood up for his Mormon faith in a speech Thursday but he insisted his religion would never affect his policies. He compared himself to Jack Kennedy. The difference between them is, Mitt Romney would never support the idea of polygamy.

Gennifer Flowers said in Las Vegas Thursday she may vote for Hillary Clinton. She had to leave New Orleans two years ago and give up her singing career in the French Quarter. No one ever talks about the good things that Hurricane Katrina accomplished.

The United Nations Global Warming Conference got underway last week on the island of Bali. It's located in the Indonesian archipelago. Who else but the United Nations would go to a tropical island in December and then complain about warm weather.

Keifer Sutherland went to jail for drunk driving in Los Angeles Wednesday. These are the times we live in. You can save America from a nuclear terrorist attack five times in five years and still carry no weight with Mothers Against Drunk Driving.

The CIA admitted on Thursday it destroyed videotapes of its agents interrogating terror suspects. It was recorded evidence of rule-breaking. The difference between the CIA and the New England Patriots is that the New England Patriots are undefeated.

The NBA announced Tuesday it will sew microphones into the uniforms of players next year for game telecasts. If they want great ratings, they should sew them into their street clothes. Nothing draws viewers like gunshots and sexual harassment.

Mike Huckabee wouldn't say Thursday if he agrees with Southern Baptist churches that believe women shouldn't serve as pastors as he did. His presidency would be historic. It would begin with the first inaugural ball where no one's allowed to dance.

Bill Clinton told Barbara Walters Thursday he would sit in on Hillary's cabinet meetings only if asked. He said he would give his advice in private. However, he does want the doggie door restored to the third floor hallway so he can come and go at night.

The National Christmas Tree was lit by President Bush on Thursday. He reworded the Gospel of Luke by describing the Christmas message as one of peace toward men of goodwill. He can't even celebrate the birth of Jesus without a warning to Iran.

President Bush threatened to attack Iran Thursday despite failures in Iraq and Afghanistan. He's ready and willing to roll the dice again. Twenty-one years ago President Bush bet a friend he could quit drinking, and now he has a gambling problem.

President Bush unveiled a proposal Thursday to try to save subprime mortgage borrowers from going into foreclosure and losing their homes. His legacy is on the line. Right now President Bush shares the title of worst president in history with Jimmy Carter, but a recession would make him the undisputed heavyweight champion.


Copyright 2007 Argus Hamilton
All rights reserved.
Material may be quoted with attribution.

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Comedian and nationally syndicated columnist Argus Hamilton entertains at corporate events and meetings around the country. When home in Los Angeles, he can be seen live onstage at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. Contact Argus@ArgusHamilton.com for more information. Argus Hamilton's bio