Argus Hamilton's column for 12-25-07

BEVERLY HILLS--Merry Christmas, and how's everybody?

Tony Blair formally converted to Roman Catholicism on Friday at a mass held in London. It didn't surprise his friends. After persuading Americans to support the invasion of Iraq he was so filled with guilt he had to either turn Catholic or Jewish.

White Christmas was voted America's favorite holiday movie in an Entertainment Weekly poll. These movies are priceless. Other favorites on the list were Holiday Inn, It's a Wonderful Life, and everyone's favorite holiday movie in Los Angeles, Blow.

Jessica Simpson caused a huge debate in Dallas Friday after her boyfriend Tony Romo had a bad game with her there. She was a big distraction for the Cowboy leader. You can bet she won't be sitting next to Laura Bush at the State of the Union address.

Nickelodeon star Jamie Lynn Spears said last week she's pregnant and will have the baby out of wedlock. Her sister Britney Spears should have a long talk with her. Jamie Lynn is only sixteen, she doesn't know the first thing about child neglect.

The House Oversight Committee counsel said Friday the committee may call Major League ballplayers to testify before Congress about steroids. The players are sure to ask for immunity. If they think it comes in a needle you can't keep them away from it.

Charlie Wilson's War got rave reviews as a comedy set during the Cold War. The world was safer then. During the Cold War, world peace depended on the balance of power between the U.S. and Russia, while today it depends on the president's blood sugar level.

The White House warned of storm clouds on the economic horizon Thursday. There are signs of recession. This year on Charlie Brown's Christmas, Lucy foreclosed on Snoopy's doghouse when he couldn't make the payments on his sub-prime adjustable loan.

House Democrats adjourned Congress Friday with approval ratings even lower than the president's. It's just awful. If congressmen weren't allowed to wear their pants any higher than their approval ratings, they'd all be doing Bill Clinton impressions.

Rudy Giuliani was hospitalized in St. Louis Thursday when he suddenly felt very ill. There was a delay getting him to the hospital. When Rudy Giuliani shouted at his aides to call 911 they told him polls show people are sick of hearing about it.

Judge Royce Lamberth decided Friday to allow Dick Cheney to keep his visitor logs secret while he appeals the order to unseal them. The damage is done. It was a shame the vice president's office had to catch on fire if he was going to get the ruling anyway.

President Bush used his weekly radio address on Saturday to praise U.S. military families for their charity and their compassion. It's personal to him. He thought for sure they would have stormed the White House and tried to restore democracy by now.

Barack Obama complained Thursday about his opponents bringing up his past drug use. He admits using cocaine, but he now acts wounded if anyone brings it up. Iowa voters are very upset that he used cocaine, they believe he should have used ethanol.

Hillary Clinton campaigned in New Hampshire Saturday in the lobby of a YWCA in the town of Manchester. She's always had a soft spot in her heart for New Hampshire. The state's motto is Live Free or Die, and Bill had it inserted in their marriage vows.


Copyright 2007 Argus Hamilton
All rights reserved.
Material may be quoted with attribution.

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Comedian and nationally syndicated columnist Argus Hamilton entertains at corporate events and meetings around the country. When home in Los Angeles, he can be seen live onstage at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. Contact Argus@ArgusHamilton.com for more information. Argus Hamilton's bio