Argus Hamilton's column for 11-30-07

HOLLYWOOD--Happy Friday, and how's everybody?

Red Cross president Mark Everson was fired by the board of directors Wednesday after he admitted to having an adulterous affair in the workplace. The staff at the relief agency was reported to be furious at him. Those cots are for storm victims.

NBC confirmed Tuesday it may start firing Tonight Show staffers as the writers' strike goes into its fourth week. They could all lose their houses. If this strike doesn't end soon, the entire Tonight Show staff may end up sleeping in Jay Leno's cars.

O.J. Simpson pleaded not guilty in Las Vegas Wednesday and was ordered to stand trial in April. He could get life in prison for using a handgun in the commission of a robbery. When he stopped using a knife it was like Michael Jordan playing baseball.

The American Journal of Clinical Nutrition published research Tuesday showing that women who drink moderate amounts of wine have healthier blood vessels. Wine is a wonderful thing for women. It raises their good cholesterol and lowers their standards.

GOP presidential candidates held a debate in Florida Wednesday. The candidates spent the first half-hour bashing illegal immigration and vowing to build longer and higher border walls. There must be an easier way to recruit steeplechase champions.

Rudy Giuliani was reported Wednesday to have billed New York City for security expenses as mayor when he visited the Hamptons to commit adultery with Judi Nathan. You cannot expect the mayor to travel without security. What if his wife follows him?

President Bush drew good reviews Wednesday for his determined effort in Middle East talks. For seven years, Republicans have shown little interest in keeping the prospects of peace alive. They've got their hands full just keeping Dick Cheney alive.

President Bush held a meeting Tuesday with Israel's Prime Minister Ehud Olmert and Palestinian leader Mahmoud Abbas. The president assured the Palestinian and Israeli leaders that he's personally committed to the peace process. So it's finished.

President Bush promised Tuesday to help the Palestinians and the Israelis find common ground. Was this wise? If President Bush knew just a little more about the Middle East, he'd know that common ground only leads to gun battles over water rights.

Bill Clinton spoke about himself in Iowa for two hours on Tuesday when he was supposed to be talking about Hillary. This is a tough year for him. Everywhere Bill Clinton goes, he puts seven chairs next to him so he'll feel like he's in the debates.

Venezuela broke diplomatic ties with Colombia Tuesday over a tiff between their leaders. Venezuela is a huge oil producer and Colombia exports cocaine. These two countries have more American dollars than the Federal Reserve and China put together.

Senator Teddy Kennedy signed the richest political book deal in history Monday to write his memoirs. He's been keeping detailed notes throughout his career. His co-author now faces the daunting task of collating a hundred thousand cocktail napkins.

Richard Nixon's tapes revealed Tuesday he almost appointed FBI agent Mark Felt to head the FBI. He's the guy who leaked Watergate secrets as Deep Throat. Mark Felt had a lot of nerve claiming he was Deep Throat when the only thing he ever blew was the whistle.


Copyright 2007 Argus Hamilton
All rights reserved.
Material may be quoted with attribution.

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Comedian and nationally syndicated columnist Argus Hamilton entertains at corporate events and meetings around the country. When home in Los Angeles, he can be seen live onstage at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. Contact Argus@ArgusHamilton.com for more information. Argus Hamilton's bio