David Letterman's stimulus package

A lot of money is going to change hands over Joe Halderman's foiled plot to extort $2 million from David Letterman.

The late night comic probably will be paying lawyers and damage-control publicists more than $2 million, if he hasn't already.

The tabloids will be paying everyone. Yesterday a former assistant named Holly Hester identified herself as one of the women who will talk. "Get the f--- out of here," a man outside her California home told a New York Daily News reporter, "We're being offered a lot of money for this s---."

CBS and Letterman's production company will be paying settlements to people who were denied raises or promotions -- or continued employment -- while women who slept with the boss received favorable treatment.

Other networks will be paying former assistants Stephanie Birkitt and Laurie Diamond for the brilliant sitcom treatments they threw together so Barbara Walters can continue to say she doesn't pay for interviews.

And that's nothing compared to the money that's going to change hands if the pre-nup agreement doesn't survive the revelation that David Letterman had a secret bedroom above the Ed Sullivan Theater, which no one was allowed to enter except the female employees who were privately invited.

Yeesh.

Two things jump out at us about this story. One is that sofa bed manufacturers will have to find a new market, because they're not going to be selling any office furniture for a while.

And the second is that John Cleese is about to lose the title of Grand Master of Alimony Jokes. It was a short run.


Copyright 2009

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