Tabloid update: "Bush secret collapse"

The cover of this week's Globe tabloid screams from the checkstand that former President George W. Bush is "suicidal and paranoid" and has suffered a "secret collapse after he accuses Laura of betraying him."

"Betraying" is in bold yellow letters, underlined.

Inside, the betrayal turns out to be -- get ready -- a television interview that Laura Bush gave to CNN.

"When he heard what Laura was saying, his face became flushed with anger and you could see his whole body stiffen up," the Globe's "insider" reports.

"How could you," the Globe says the president muttered, wiping tears from his eyes.

Bet you're wondering what Mrs. Bush said.

Get ready.

CNN asked Mrs. Bush if she thought President Obama was doing a good job. "I think he is," the former first lady answered, "I think he has got a lot on his plate and he has tackled a lot to start with, and that has probably made it more difficult."

"George just couldn't believe it -- he felt it was a low and cruel blow," the Globe's insider says. "He's been in a deep funk ever since."

America Wants To Know is a little skeptical that President Bush went off the deep end -- "berserk" is the word the Globe used -- over the first lady's bland and characteristically diplomatic remarks, but the Globe says friends of the president fear he may try to end it all.

"Why is she doing this to me?" the tabloid says President Bush asked.

Obviously he hasn't been reading the Globe for the last three years. Mr. President, if you're reading this, click here and here and here and here to find out what you've missed.

Copyright 2009

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