Tabloid update: Political marriages on the rocks!

This week's National Enquirer features a full-page story of scintillating quotes from the Washington Post, the Raleigh News & Observer, CNN, the Baltimore Sun and Salon.com.

"Right every step of the way," said the Post's Howard Kurtz. "The leader on this story from the beginning," said Salon.com. "The National Enquirer has earned credibility on this story," said the Baltimore Sun.

The story, as you must know by now, is that former U.S. Senator and Democratic vice presidential nominee John Edwards had an affair with a campaign videographer, or had an affair with a woman he later hired as a campaign videographer, and fathered her 18-month-old baby daughter.

This week's Enquirer reports that the former senator has decided to move his new daughter and her mother closer to the house he shares with his wife Elizabeth and their kids, or formerly shared with his wife Elizabeth and their kids.

"That's when Elizabeth exploded!" the Enquirer's source reports. "In a fit of rage, she grabbed a suitcase and started packing her things."

The Enquirer says Mrs. Edwards quickly decided that she shouldn't be the one to leave. According to the tabloid's source, "Elizabeth told John to get out, yelling, 'You're on your own with this! I've been humiliated enough!'"

Mrs. Edwards has a gift for understatement.

Despite the Enquirer's very credible reporting of a marital split, John and Elizabeth Edwards arrived together at the John F. Kennedy Library in Boston Friday night for a memorial honoring Senator Ted Kennedy.

"I thought it was a lovely celebration," Mrs. Edwards told a reporter afterwards, "but as spectacular as this evening is it is impossible to capture the man, though. Our hearts are really with Vicki and their family."

Our hearts. She's still speaking in the marital plural.

Meanwhile, the senator from the Westminster Kennel Club was chatting up senior presidential adviser David Axelrod, who used to work for him back when he was a candidate in 2004.

"Edwards seemed to do most of the talking," observed Glenn Thrush, a reporter for Politico, which is a mainstream media outfit but don't hold that against them. Mr. Axelrod "seemed to be doing most of the consoling, patting Edwards' back and smiling as the former senator and '04 vice presidential candidate spoke expressively."

So he's looking for a gig.

As America Wants To Know wrote a year ago, Senator Edwards is out of business. There's no reason for corporations to donate to his self-serving Foundation for Bringing Wonderfulness to the Under-Wonderful if he's never going to be in a position to do anything for them. Or to them.

Elizabeth Edwards, once touted as a likely appointee in any Democratic administration, is out of business, too. Her decision to keep quiet about her husband's skirt-chasing so he could chase the 2008 Democratic nomination, putting the party at risk of an explosive sex scandal down the road, was not appreciated in Democratic circles. Last weekend she opened a little furniture store in Chapel Hill. Her husband was seen moving furniture for her.

"As a man who slept on all those couches, he can tell the customers personally which ones are the most comfortable," comedian Argus Hamilton observed.

Speaking of the couch, the Globe reports this week that former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin's husband Todd is currently sleeping there. "Sarah Palin Divorce Deal!" the tabloid headline screams, "World Exclusive Breaking News!"

Inside, "insiders tell GLOBE the sexy Republican's 21-year marriage to her high school sweetheart is in tatters over cheating charges, lies, jealousy and her soaring political ambitions."

Sarah took off her wedding ring a couple of weeks ago and threw it into a lake, the tabloid was told.

There's no place for sentiment in politics.


Copyright 2009

Editor's note: You might be interested in the earlier post, "Tabloid update: Cover-ups!"

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