Tabloid update: "Suicidal Bush in Therapy!"

This week's Globe tabloid features the continuing saga of the secret separation of George and Laura Bush, with a new twist: "Suicidal Bush in Therapy," the cover yells from the checkstand, "After Telling Laura: I Can't Take Any More!"

Inside there's more evidence that Laura is the Globe's main source for these stories. She's pictured looking salon-perfect and smiling serenely. Her husband, that cad, is shown sitting on a tree stump in torn jeans and work gloves, his face spattered with flecks of dirt, wearing goofy-looking earphones and peering out from under a white cowboy hat with a beady-eyed, paranoid, purse-lipped stare.



He should call them and spill some dirt on Dick Cheney. Maybe they'd give him a better picture.

"Bush begs Laura to take him back!" says the inside headline, "Suicidal George in therapy as he fights to save his life and marriage."

The Globe says it has sources telling the magazine that our former president is "mired in such a deep depression that concerned family and friends fear he'll do something drastic."

Like the old joke says, it's a Depression when you lose your job.

According to the Globe, President Bush has become paranoid and convinced that President Obama is out to get him. That may not be paranoia, like the old joke says.

The Globe reported in April that "an alarmingly distraught Bush made a series of frantic midnight calls" to former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, but she was unable to "shake him out of it."

That's when, "in a fit of despair," the former president decided to talk to his wife. So he picked up the phone and called Dallas.

That's where she is. Laura's living in the $2 million home that her husband bought for her in Dallas. He's in Crawford. According to the Globe, that was the deal to avoid a public divorce after Laura "got fed up with her husband's out-of-control boozing," not to mention his "suspected" romance with Condoleezza Rice.

"Please take me back!" President Bush begged, according to the Globe's source. "It was just heartwrenching," the source continued, "He didn't know where else to turn. I think he finally realized his life was under control when Laura was there for him -- and he desperately needs that stability now."

The source further reveals that "Laura has never stopped loving him" and she's worried that he has become "a walking time bomb."

No need to waterboard Laura to find out his location, he's in Crawford.

Laura refused to take him back, telling him he "needed to help himself first," and that's why our former president is now seeing a therapist twice a week.

"I know that he's going," says the Globe's insider. "But no one knows exactly who he's seeing, where they're meeting or what sort of therapy he's getting. It's all very closely guarded."

Paging Dr. Melfi. Your two o'clock is here.


Copyright 2009

Editor's note: Catch up on your tabloid reading with "Laura Gets $15M Divorce Pay Off!"

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