John Edwards goes out of business

Running for president is a pretty good gig.

You don't have to win to win big.

All you have to do is establish enough credibility to make people believe that you might end up on the ticket or in the Cabinet, and you can spend the rest of your life collecting big checks from all the donors who think they have an interest in staying on your good side.

Even when you're not actively campaigning, you can set up some political action committee or foundation that will pay your living expenses and even employ your family members. Then, when the campaign starts, you can elevate your profile with TV appearances and speeches, making even more people believe that you might end up on the ticket or in the Cabinet, generating even more big checks from donors who want to stay on your good side.

Acting skills are helpful.

It's important to convince the public that you're spending every waking moment thinking about how to eradicate poverty and bring free health care and fair wages to everyone in America. That gives the donors the cover they need to write checks to your foundation or political action committee in the years between presidential races, and let's face it, somebody's got to pay for those haircuts and travel expenses.

And mistresses.

After the Democrats' defeat in the 2004 presidential election, John Edwards set up a foundation to fight poverty, and it's a good thing he did, because in 2006 he met a girl in New York who was dead broke.

Fortunately he was able to find a position for her.

One thing led to another and on Friday the former senator told ABC News he is more than willing to take a paternity test to prove that he is not the father of the woman's baby, born in February and photographed in Senator Edwards' arms by a National Enquirer camera in July.

That's when the senator's anti-poverty expertise came in handy again. The woman, now living in a Santa Barbara mansion despite having a history of financial problems and no apparent employment, just announced through her attorney that she will not permit a paternity test, now or in the future.

It's a good try, but it's too late.

No one will now believe that Senator Edwards has a credible chance at a spot on the ticket, a job in the Cabinet, or election to public office any time in the foreseeable future.

So that's the end of his paid speaking engagements, his foundation, his political action committee, and anything else he's got going that relies on the threat that one day he might refuse to return the calls of anyone who failed to write him a check when he asked for one.

If he wants to eradicate poverty now, he's going to have to get a job.

Maybe the Clinton Library needs a tour guide.


Copyright 2008

Editor's note: You might be interested in the earlier post, "Tabloid update: Cover-ups!"

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