A guide to voting in Los Angeles

Well, there's nothing as entertaining as a California election.

It's exactly like a carnival midway, without the tedious pretense that you're going to win a stuffed animal.

This year's worst con game appears to be Measure S, a Los Angeles City proposition that will add a new 9 percent tax to your phone bills. Vote NO on Proposition S. It appears to be a tax cut from 10 percent to 9 percent, but that's a fraud, because the 10 percent tax is illegal and is probably about to be struck down by the courts. So Proposition S is actually a new 9 percent tax on your phone bills, and not just your phone bills, but all your "telecommunications" services. Of course, it's being sold as the only possible way the city can continue to pay for police, fire, and 911 services.

Statewide on the February 5 midway we have Proposition 91, which is trying to close a loophole that allows tax funds collected for public transit projects to get the old switcheroo and end up in the general fund. If you think it's a good idea to fund public transit with taxes that were collected to fund public transit, vote yes. If you think public transit is a giant special-interest boondoggle that builds things nobody wants anyway, vote no. Naturally, if the funds have to be used for public transit, the state won't be able to pay for police, fire and 911 services.

Proposition 92 mandates a good-sized chunk of funding for community colleges, which apparently means that the state will have to raise taxes in order to pay for police, fire and 911 services. If you think the community colleges need more money and you don't trust Sacramento to allocate it, vote yes. But be forewarned, you're going to be shot by a robber in your burning house and the ambulance will never get there in time to save you. So if you want to live, vote no.

Proposition 93 looks like a term limit proposal for state lawmakers but actually it erases the old term limit proposal and lets everybody stay in those jobs when they'd otherwise be kicked to the curb. If you love what you've got in Sacramento, vote yes. We're voting no.

Propositions 94 through 97 allow the expansion of Indian gaming in the state of California. Our Fearless Leader bravely negotiated with the bingo barons for a monstrous kickback to the state treasury in exchange for more slot machines. Massive campaign contributions may have been involved but we're not here to point fingers. If the Indian casinos bother you, vote no. If you found them a little too crowded the last time you visited, vote yes. And remember, if these measures don't pass, the state won't have the money to pay for police, fire and 911 services.

That's because absolutely every dime that currently comes into the California treasury is spent on something more important than police, fire and 911 services. Just don't ask what.

Three balls for a dollar, step right up.


Copyright 2008

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