Shouting "Fire!" in a crowded file cabinet

Lieutenant Columbo burst into the offices of America Wants to Know today.

"I'm going to need back-up," he said. "There's been a fire in Dick Cheney's office."

Sigh. Actors.

America Wants To Know put Lieutenant Columbo on retainer some time ago to find out who leaked the story of the plot to blow up tunnels in New York. Ever since then, the lieutenant has been following Vice President Cheney the way New Year's follows Christmas.

"Look at this," Columbo said, tossing a folded newspaper on the desk.

It was the Denver Post from December 14, 2007. Circled in black Sharpie was a story about the sentencing of a pretty blonde named Italia Federici. The paper said she provided an entree to the Interior Department for lobbyist Jack Abramoff through her boyfriend, former deputy Interior Department secretary J. Steven Griles.

Her lawyer told the court that "each man used her for their own pleasure and gain."

The paper said J. Steven Griles is currently serving a ten-month prison sentence in connection with Jack Abramoff's Capitol Hill influence-peddling, while Abramoff himself is serving time on an unrelated fraud charge. The lobbyist's sentencing for influence peddling has been delayed several times while he helps prosecutors go after bigger fish.

Italia Federici was sentenced to two months in a halfway house for crimes including lying to the Senate committee investigating Abramoff's dealings with the Interior Department, but prosecutors recommended house arrest.

"The blonde is cooperating," Columbo said, pointing his cigar at the newsprint, "she's testifying against somebody." He picked up the paper. "'People close to the case have said Federici may be able to provide information about Norton, other Bush administration officials and members of Congress,'" he read, "That would be Gale Norton, the former Interior Secretary. And look at this."

He tossed another newspaper on the desk. It was the Washington Post from December 18, 2007.

"U.S. District Judge Royce Lamberth has come through for us again," he said. "He just ruled that the White House can't keep its visitor logs secret from the public."

The paper said the Bush administration had declared the Secret Service records of visitors to the White House and the vice president's residence to be presidential records, exempt from Freedom of Information requests. That decision came to light when the Washington Post won a court order in 2006 requiring Vice President Cheney's office to turn over visitor logs. Cheney refused, appealed, and the appellate court blocked enforcement of the order. Then the Washington Post dropped the case, and a group called Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington filed its own lawsuit for the records.

"Judge Lamberth said the visitor logs are not presidential records, they're agency records," Columbo said. "He also rejected the White House argument that releasing the logs would reveal the confidential deliberations of the executive branch."

The lieutenant flipped the pages of his notebook backwards.

"Before the visitor logs were locked up," Columbo said, "the Associated Press reported that on April 20, 2001, Jack Abramoff visited Cesar Conda at the White House. Cesar Conda was Vice President Dick Cheney's assistant for domestic policy. Five days after that meeting, one of Abramoff's lobbyist associates was appointed to the job of assistant secretary of labor. Patrick Pizzella is his name. He's still in that job, as a matter of fact. Cesar Conda is the lobbyist now, he's with a firm called Navigators, LLC."

Columbo closed the notebook and put it into the pocket of his trench coat. "I don't know how many times Jack Abramoff and his associates visited the vice president," he said. "I don't know how those visits line up with campaign donations or favorable rulings from government agencies. I don't know who met with Dick Cheney, or whether anybody wrote any memos about what was said. I don't know which government officials are the subject of the influence-peddling investigation, or what Jack Abramoff and the blonde are saying to federal prosecutors, or whether any search warrants are being drawn up based on their testimony. I just know one thing. There was a fire today in Dick Cheney's office."

We reminded the lieutenant that news reports said the fire was in the vice president's ceremonial office in the Eisenhower Executive Office Building, and that his working office is in the White House.

"This is why you pay me," Columbo said. "Dick Cheney's staff has its offices in the Eisenhower Executive Office Building. The fire did the heaviest damage to the office next to the ceremonial office, which is occupied by a woman named Amy Whitelaw. She's the vice president's political director."

At this point, America Wants to Know took the checkbook out of the desk drawer and gave the lieutenant everything he wanted for his investigation.

We'll let you know what we find out.



Copyright 2007


Source notes:

Associated Press, December 19, 2007; "Cheney's Office Damaged In Fire" by Terence Hunt

The Washington Post, December 18, 2007; "Secret Service Logs of White House Visitors Are Public Records, Judge Rules" by Michael Abramowitz

The Denver Post, December 14, 2007; "Go-between in Abramoff scandal sentenced" by Christa Marshall

Associated Press, July 8, 2006; "More White House Visits Disclosed"

The Washington Post, July 8, 2006; "New Links Between Abramoff, White House Logs Show 6 Appointments There" by Susan Schmidt and James V. Grimaldi

Salon.com, November 18, 2005; "The greening of Italia Federici" by Michael Scherer

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