You know you want it

Shhhh! Sneak preview of pope jokes from Argus Hamilton's Wednesday column:

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Prince Charles had to postpone his wedding and cancel a hunting trip because of the pope's funeral. He feels haunted. If Prince Charles can't find the Viagra on his honeymoon night, he may have to consult a medium to ask the pope where he hid it.

Vatican City will host two hundred world leaders plus their security details at the pope's funeral in St. Peter's Cathedral Friday. Tensions are high. Until the new pope is installed, President Bush is the only man on earth who is infallible.

The Vatican scheduled the papal funeral in Rome for Friday. News coverage has been around-the-clock for a week. If President Bush wants to gain twenty points in his approval ratings he will stand up at the funeral and say ten Enough Alreadys.

President Bush eulogized John Paul II Saturday after news of the pope's death reached Washington D.C. He praised him as a champion of peace and as a friend to the downtrodden. However, the pope did not support the war in Iraq, so he had to go.

Bill Clinton told CBS News on Sunday how much Pope John Paul II meant to him personally. You could see he was upset. Bill Clinton figures that if a truly great man like John Paul II can't escape death, then his chances are practically none.

Cardinal Hummes said cardinals don't care from which continent the next pope comes. He said what matters is that they choose the right man for this moment in the history of the church. It seems a shame they missed Johnnie Cochran by two weeks.

Pope John Paul II, it was reported Tuesday, changed the rules for the election of a new pope ten years ago. There can be no trading of votes and no exchanging of favors. The cardinals will be locked in that room until all but one of them dies.

Pope John Paul II's would-be assassin Mehmet Ali Agca apologized Monday for wounding the pope twenty years ago. He confessed he was hired by the Soviet Union's KGB to shoot the pope. The KGB always stuck to its story that the pope fired first.

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Read Argus Hamilton's daily column here