Sneak peek at Argus Hamilton's Tuesday column

You didn't hear it from me, but here's a preview of Argus Hamilton's Tuesday column for everyone who's ready for the pope jokes (Sensitive and easily offended on this subject? Hit your back button now.)

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The Vatican started preparations Monday for the secret conclave in Rome that will elect the next pope. The behind-the-scenes campaigning for the top job is unbelievable. Hoping against all hope, Mel Gibson isn't looking at a woman all week.

The Masters tournament begins on Thursday at the famed Augusta National Golf Club in Georgia. The organizers aren't changing anything to accommodate the papal funeral. Just because the club discriminates against women doesn't make them Catholic.

Pope John Paul II died Saturday asking that the world be happy that he could finally meet the Lord. It was close. The pope passed away just minutes before Tom DeLay could get to the floor of the House to introduce legislation preventing it.

Pope John Paul II opposed stem cell research to cure his Parkinson's Disease due to church doctrine. Protestants feel differently. If stem cells could cure the common slice, there would be stem cell vending machines next to the ball washers.

President Bush announced Saturday he will travel to Rome to attend the pope's funeral. The president will be attending two burials. One for His Holiness and one for the Report on Intelligence Failures in Iraq that he wiped off the news by lingering all week.

Prince Charles said Sunday he would not change his wedding date Friday if it conflicts with the pope's funeral. It's because of the reception. He had to book the banquet hall two years in advance and his mother won't give him the deposit back.

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You can read Argus Hamilton's daily column here whenever you're in the mood for it.